Jenni's Guts . . .

And the winner is...

2012-02-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

ME!

Thank you so much to everyone who nominated me for this award! I couldn't have won without you.

Meds Please

2012-01-20T07:17:00.000-05:00

It amazes me how much medication we dump into our systems. Even if we are basically healthy we still eat medication like candy. I'm not currently taking anything for my Crohn's, though I probably should be. But every morning and every night I take a handful of medicine. Some to help acid reflux, some for depression and insomnia, some for pain from Fibromyalgia, some for hormones since I had a hysterectomy. Some for my blood pressure. Sometimes I take a couple meds for my intestines; some to stop the belly rumblings or to slow things down, or for nausea. It's ridiculous when you think about it. These handfuls of medication keep me going day in and day out. And there isn't even anything in here for Crohn's. There was a time when I took 48 pills a day. That's just nuts.

Bad belly

2012-01-13T20:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what is going on with my belly lately but it is nothing good. Total badness actually. I have been having a huge increase in the goings and it is more waterier (yes, waterier is a word because I just made it up.) than it normally is. All the wiping and pooping and pooping and wiping has made me more than raw south of the border. I have serious chapped butt. Like big time. Like, I used half of a thing of Desitin last night alone. It didn't really work though because I kept going so I kept wiping it off. I also gave myself a nice overdose of Lomotil to try and stop things for a while. Things only slowed down a little overnight. Enough that I did catch a little relief from the Desitin which was able to stay in place for a few hours without being wiped off again. At least until I got up this morning and drank water.

I'm not sure if it is the nerves about my upcoming eye surgery or stress about not working or just another flare up. I'm not really nervous about my surgery though. My only fear is I will be in the middle of the surgery and have to poop. But besides that I'm pretty unstressed. I have another job interview on Wednesday so that's good. I'm basically good. Who knows what's going on.

Anyway, I am trying to eat belly safe food - if any. Scrambled eggs and crackers (not together) are about the most solid things I am eating. Otherwise it's broth and tea. Broth...such a disgusting word. I may end up making myself some Jell-O, which I hate, but I can only eat so much soup without throwing myself onto the floor and curling up in the fetal position screaming "NO MORE!!"

I really don't want to call Dr. GI because he will want to do a bunch of tests that will show nothing is wrong and I will get all frustrated and mad and have to angry blog about it and I just don't feel like doing all that. It's too much like work. It's been a good while since my belly has been this bad though so I figure I'm due for some upheaval.

How special are they?

2012-01-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

I got my eye measurements done today and found out just how special my Special Eyes are. I never bothered to ask before. I was kinda shocked myself when I found out. My right eye is -25 and my left eye is -28. Severe Myopia (or Nearsightedness) is anything between -6 and -9. Extreme Myopia is anything greater than -9. I have Myopia TO THE EXTREME!! That's pretty special if you ask me!

Jenni - 1 Special Eyes - 0

2012-01-06T17:34:00.000-05:00

I have done something I never thought I would do. Something I never dreamed I would have to do. Something I thought for sure I would do anything possible to avoid doing. I conquered one of my biggest fears. I went to a job interview while wearing my glasses!

I submitted my resume for a position just because. Unemployment likes it better when you actually try to obtain gainful employment outside of mooching off of the governement, even though the government mooches off us. I never thought I would get a call within two hours of sending my information let alone be scheduled for an interview the very next day. Of course I jumped at the chance for the interview because I was really excited. I didn't even think about my glasses situation until after I hung up. Then it was a little too late.

I thought maybe I could pull off wearing my contacts to the interview. I had three different pair laying around doing nothing so I thought maybe one of them would fit for a hour or so. No dice. I tried them all on but each one ended up with me looking like George Costanza with grapefruit in his eye. I would have winked my way through the interview and that just wasn't going to fly. I had no choice, I had to wear my glasses. The only plus in this was it eliminated the need for me to wear any eye makeup. Bonus!

But I was petrified. After being made fun of like a little handicapped kid by three grown up Barbie doll wannabes previously, I was more than a little nervous about going to a job interview with these crazy glasses on. I've gone to the store, I've gone to a few restaurants, I even did Christmas with the whole family but no where that I was the real center of attention. All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a FREAKSHOW! I thought of canceling the interview.

NO! I could do this. Besides, with some coaching from the hubs and my Mommy I decided if the people at this place weren't going to hire me because I looked like a freak in my glasses then I don't want to work there anyway.

I went to that interview and no one laughed at me. Not to my face anyway. I thought it went really well so we will see. I just cannot believe that I actually did this. I'm a freaking ROCKSTAR!!

One more nomination - WOW!

2012-01-06T09:24:00.000-05:00

I got this email that I was nominated again. I'm teary eyed after this one I don't know who it is from but all I can say is WOW! And thank you - whoever you are.

I am nominating Jenni because she is a Crohn's WARRIOR! She battles this disease with humor and determination. In spite of everything this horrible disease can bring she manages to keep a smile on hers - and others faces! Jenni is also a mother something I could not imagine as it is hard enough to take care of myself with Crohn's (and other issues) let alone a child. I love reading her blog - and posts in the CDSN facebook group. On a regular basis she brings joy to the group with her comments, and posts on her blog. I truly hope you honor Jenni for Hilarious Health Activist; I couldn't think of anyone more deserving.

Stupid glasses!

2012-01-03T18:59:00.001-05:00

Yea, yea, happy new year, blah, blah, blah. I was asleep by 11:45 pm because Grandma here couldn't make it till midnight. I'm pathetic.

I have been wearing these stupid glasses of mine since the beginning of December and my eye surgery cannot come any quicker because I am totally sick of them. I'm past the fear and trepidation part of it and just want to get on with it so I can get on with my life. I have worn contacts since I was 8 years old and to have to wear glasses 24/7 is a hassle. I think more for me because when I take them off I cannot see a single thing. If I could take them off and still manage to do something - like pluck my eyebrows without almost putting my eye out with the tweezers for instance - it would be different. I'm pretty sure I have successfully grown a full unibrow at this point. It is so bad that I have also nearly put my eye out with the ear piece on my glasses when putting them on because I couldn't see it coming at me. It's a good thing I didn't want a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas because I really would shoot my eye out!

More and more typical every day things are becoming a nuisance also. Things like taking a shower. Obviously I cannot wear the glasses in the shower like I could my contacts. I can manage to make out that the shampoo bottle is black and the conditioner bottle is white so that's a plus but I can't see how much I am putting in my hand. I've wasted a lot. Also I cannot find the soap if I drop it. It's a good thing I'm not in prison.

Getting food out of the oven or draining pasta steams up my glasses and puts me in an instant freeze mode for about ten seconds while my loving family laughs at me. Jerks. This happened the other day while walking from the cold outside into the warm inside. Weird how you don't think about these things.

I tried putting my contacts in the other day just to see if they felt weird after not wearing them for so long. I couldn't see anything. They were so blurry and after about ten minutes I gave up and took them out. I guess my eyes have changed enough that the measurements that will be taken of my eyes for my surgery should be pretty accurate by now. Hopefully anyway.

I really just want to get it over with. I don't really even care about the results anymore. I saw the retinal specialist and he said he didn't find any kind of old retinal tear. That's good, but he also said he didn't think the cataract surgery would help much. So what's the point? I get my measurements on the 10th so I am going in with a ton of questions and I am going to try to get the surgeon to pinpoint just how much I can expect from this surgery. My expectations are quite low and I plan on informing him that so he doesn't need to be vague. I do not expect miracles and I've made my peace with it. I will have special eyes going into the surgery and I fully expect to have special eyes coming out of it.

Nominations for Hilarious Health Activist Award

2011-12-27T18:28:00.001-05:00

I've received some wonderful nominations for WEGO Health's Hilarious Health Activist Award. And there is still one week left to nominate your favorite Blogger, Tweeter, and/or Facebooker....or ME - no pressure. ;) There are some great categories to chose from. I'm hoping to see Jason Leitman from Crohn's Disease Support Network receive the award for Best In Show.

Thank you all so much! I still can't believe I have reached so many people and made such a positive impact. This blog has had over 10,000 views and most of them weren't even me! I am looking forward to providing more information, support, and, of course, humor in 2012. Thank you for the nominations and for reading Jenni's Guts!

Through all that Jenni has gone through she has managed to find the humor and laughter. She handles the toughest problems with a smile and a laugh. And in my eyes, laughter will always be the best medicine.

Jenni has a great outlook - a wonderful sense of humor in an otherwise overwhelming situation.

She always has an upbeat attitude. She's everybody's cheerleader! She's always there to lend an ear, say a prayer..make you laugh. Go Jenni!

She takes her illness and makes funny jokes about it. She does not let it get her down.She can feel bad and still make jokes of it i have see her really sick and down but she will make some joke about hating her guts.i believe she deserves this award.

Jenni has a truly humorous way to look at all the trials and tribulations of her Crohn's Disease - in her descriptions of testing, treatments, right down to the daily "goings". and don't forget her ERPK - Emergency Road Poop Kit!!! She makes me laugh and makes my problems seem small in comparison.

Jenni has taken her struggle with Crohn's disease and other health issues and conquered them with humor. She has her bad days but she is an amazing writer and helps others with her humor and funny stories. She isn't afraid to say with other people just think.

Jenni puts a funny spin on her adventures with a not so funny disease: Crohn's disease.

You like me, you really like me!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T11:28:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas to all and Happy Birthday Jesus!

Dumb things

2011-12-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

After another early morning trip to the bathroom I was reminded about some of the dumber things that I have thought and/or said recently. I decided to share a partial list starting off with the first dumb thing I thought today:

If I just lay here an not move the urge to poop will go away. Sure mass quantities of liquid hot lava (aka diarrhea) are burning tiny holes straight through my rectum but if I'm just still enough... damn, didn't work!

Yes, yes I would like some popcorn.

Dr. Pepper 10 might taste just as good as regular Dr. Pepper. (Please don't be fooled by this.)

I like this job and everyone is so nice. Maybe this will last a while. (Ha!)

We have one roll of toilet paper - we can make it another day. (We didn't make it two hours)

This conditioner is cheaper but I bet it still works just as good. (Oh, it worked but it smelled like dirty feet and grandma's house)

Let's put the Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving this year. it won't get old. (It's already old and now we have no place to sit since we had to move out half of our furniture to fit the stupid thing in the living room! When is Christmas again?)

I think I will have a glass of milk with dinner.

I should YouTube that cataract surgery.

I'm going to do a liquid diet today to rest my bowels. (Eats breakfast, goes to the bathroom) Yes, a liquid diet would help. (Eats lunch, goes to the bathroom four times, wants to die) Definitely no dinner tonig....oh pizza!! (Kill me!)

That's all for now. I'm sure I will add to the list. I do a lot of dumb things!

I have Special Eyes Part I

2011-12-08T20:47:00.002-05:00

I'm having the eye surgery. I met with the surgeon on Monday and he feels he can do some good by performing cataract surgery on both of my eyes. It may even improve my vision enough that I will be able to wear normal glasses and/or contacts. But apparently I have to see a retina specialist first. I have evidence of an old detachment that needs repaired. I'm supposed to see that doctor next Wednesday. I'm a little freaked out. So how does one have an old retina detachment, you wonder? Well, when you are 19 years old and you get hit in the side of the head by your manipulative, controlling and abusive boyfriend, that's how. At least that's what happened to me. Needless to say I will be sending this bill to him. (Fun Fact: He's on Facebook if you want to private message him and tell him thanks for me!)

Anywhoo...the retina doctor will be using a laZer (I like to use "Z's" to spell laZer cause it looks way cooler and you have to imagine me saying it doing air quotes like on Austin Powers, but I digress.) So they will use a laZer and tack up this detachment and create scar tissue to hold it in place. The good thing is we know that my body is really good at creating scar tissue so this should be an easy fix. The problem is that they use no anesthetic or sedation of any kind and they actually expect me to hold still for this. HA! We all know I will have to poop half way in the middle and ruin the whole thing. Wait for it.

After they fix that I should be able to go back to the cataract surgeon and have my eyes measured for my new lenses. By new lenses I mean the new actual lenses they will put INSIDE my eyes because they will be removing the old ones. I can't know this. It's too weird. I YouTubed it. I shouldn't have. This process, however is done WITH sedation. Except I can't wear my contacts for four weeks (or longer depending on how the retina laZer procedure goes) before they do the measurements. Something about wearing the contacts reshapes the eye. I don't know, I stopped listening after they mentioned laZers and no sedation. The bottom line is that if all goes the way it should - and it never does with me - I should have new special eyes by the middle of February. It's a process but I think it will be worth it.

The eye surgeon said my special eyes were "impressive'. I believe they are. I also believe it was impressive the way the student doctor working with the surgeon stood back about six feet in a feeble attempt to look at my special eyes while remaining far enough away as to not actually touch me for fear of the specialness rubbing off on him. But what is NOT impressive is me being stuck wearing these crazy glasses and looking like a freak for the next four weeks. Oh I said it, I'm a freak. I'm not brave enough to post a picture of myself in these glasses but I may after it's all over and I never have to wear them again.

Stay tuned because this is going to be a fascinating process!!

Bristol Stool Scale

2011-12-02T17:58:00.001-05:00

This was Twittered (tweeted - whatever!) about last night and I HAD to share it. I think this is brilliant. Just in case you are curious I fall around a 6 1/2 most days. The normal is 4. See? Brilliant!

Great pain and expectations

2011-11-30T12:22:00.000-05:00

Being involved in the Twitter community and following numerous others with Crohn's and like belly troubles I have realized I am not alone when it comes to pain and the great expectations that goes along with having a chronic illness.
I have pain every day. My body hurts. My joints hurt. My belly hurts. My nether regions hurt from going to the bathroom ALL the time. Every now and then I am lucky enough to get my hands on some pain medication which, more often than not, doesn't really do much to relieve the pain anyway. So sometimes I, like others with Crohn's, have to go to the ER to get some heavy duty drugs to get a little relief. This isn't usually met with kindness from the ER staff though. I know I personally have been labeled as "narcotic seeking" for an occurrence when my very own Dr. GI sent me there for pain management. Since three of the four major hospitals share electronic records in my area I am pretty screwed out of going to the ER for pain management now. I am usually immediately told there is nothing they can do for me. And if they are feeling generous they may slip me a Vicodin or two before sending me on my way.

But this isn't only my problem. It is a problem that I have seen all across the board when it comes to people dealing with painful conditions. And I have also noticed that healthy people just expect us (the chronically ill) to live with it. As if it is a normal thing we are supposed to get used to it so it shouldn't bother us. Most days I can just work around my discomfort and restroom needs. But there are days I can't and when I have those days I get very little sympathy from anyone. However, when a healthy person has diarrhea or some kind of stomach upset for a day the world stops. They can't work. They can't leave the house. They can rush to the ER and get treated with every drug known to man and probably even get signed up for experimental treatments. (note the sarcasm) But when I go it's "Oh you have Crohn's, Fibromyalgia, Depression, etc.... you should be used to this. Why is today different?"

When did it become normal to poop 10 or more times a day? When did it become okay for a body to be in pain every day when you are only in your 30's? Why is it unacceptable when I ask for help - albeit pain medication, or just a day to rest? Why can't the doctors and nurses have a little compassion for those of us who have to live like this because we don't have a choice in the matter. It isn't like we want to be in pain. Yes, I am tough enough to not make it a big deal the majority of the time but some days I would like to be in a drug induced state of comfort so I can feel half way normal and regroup my energy to sustain the next bout of badness that will happen to my body. Is that really too much to ask?

Being Thankful

2011-11-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

I'm a status poster. I post statuses on Facebook about random things that happen in my life, current thoughts or attitudes, stupid things people do that I witness, stupid things I do, and just general life updates. I post Twitter statuses (I guess they are referred to as "tweets") about bathroom things and Crohnie stuff. (I guess you could call them pooweets.)

By in large I guess the majority of my status updates have leaned toward the negative side during the last six months or so. Being unhappy at work, for the most part, contributed to this. But, since Thanksgiving is quickly approaching - and my favorite holiday of the whole year aside from my birthday - I decided to start posting things I am thankful for starting on November 1st. So far I have done well. I have actually even managed to post two statuses a day for things I am thankful for. I like to be an over achiever. Actually, I am pretty impressed with myself for being able to come up with so many things I am thankful for and being able to keep my statuses positive. I'm thankful for silly things like donuts and being able to sleep in to more serious things like my family, friends and my husband's job that is keeping us afloat right now. But there is one major thing that I am thankful for that I am saving for my last "thankful status". I will give you a sneak peak now though.

I'm thankful that I have Crohn's disease. Yes, it is true. I am thankful that I have had to struggle for nearly 20 years with this thing that has destroyed my insides, made my outsides look like nothing less than a horrible science experiment gone arye, and caused other problems like Vitamins D & B12 deficiencies, severe and debilitating depression, Arthritis, IBS, GERD, Fibromyalgia and Pancreatitis. Yes, I am grateful for this Crohn's because it has made me strong. It has made me a fighter. It has helped me decipher who my true friends are. It has helped me find new friends. It has helped me encourage others. Not a day goes by where I don't have some kind of effect from Crohn's. Even when the disease itself is in remission, I still have the lingering effects of short gut syndrome, extreme urgency, and mild pain. My body is riddled with scars and scar tissue. But when I look at my scars I am reminded about what I have endured and how tough I really am. I know what I'm made of. I know I have the guts to "fight like a girl" when it comes to my health and my care. And for all of these reasons I am thankful for my disease. My Crohn's. I'm not just someone with Crohn's disease, I am someone who is all of these things because of Crohn's disease.

Here we go again...

2011-11-11T09:01:00.000-05:00

I had the blog shut down for a while because I'm on the job hunt again and feared that potential employers may see that I am chronically sick and not appreciate my humor about it. But I have to say I really missed my blog. It is so therapeutic for me to write. Besides, I don't think having this blog is going to stop me from gaining employment. Or keeping employment. I've decided not to make it even matter anymore.

My position was done away with and I am, again, out of work. I saw it coming. I knew it was going to happen and it was only a matter of time. I can't help but feel a little relieved. I was really unhappy in that environment. The trouble is I hoped I would have something else to go to and be able to leave on my own. But God has other plans for me and that's fine. At least I will have more time to write, right?

Germs...be not afraid.

2011-10-15T22:02:00.001-04:00

A lady came into the office for an interview last week. She refused to sign in because she would have to "touch the pen" everyone else has used when they signed in. She actually told our receptionist she should use hand sanitizer to clean the pen. After that she refused to sit down in the lobby because she didn't want to catch germs, or spread any of her own. Seriously. She had to do a drug test - a pee in the cup drug test - and insisted I sanitized the toilet with a Clorox wipe before and after she used it. When she walked out of the bathroom after washing her hands she held them up as if she was a surgeon trying not to break the sterile field. Why do people do this?

I have come to realize that it is either one extreme or the other with people. Either you have the person who pees all over the seat, the floor and half the wall and leaves the toilet unflushed or you have the person who will take a bladder infection over having to pee in a public restroom. Either you have the mother who makes her kid use so much hand sanitizer that if the kid would suck their thumb they would get drunk from it, or you have the mother that let's her kid who hacks and coughs with snot coming out of their nose walk around everywhere touching everything and wiping their little boogers all over. Where are the normal people? Where are the people who just live and if they get a cold or their kid gets sick they deal with it like normal human beings? I don't understand the logic behind this type of behavior? Either side of it.

We are teaching our children to become germophobes and causing behaviors like obsessive compulsive disorder. Then we wonder why our kids are all so messed up. My daughter has a friend (12 years old) and for as long as I can remember this little girl has incessantly washed her hands until they were raw, red and chapped because she is so freaked out about germs. This little girl has refused to eat in a restaurant because she saw the waiter scratch his head before taking the order. She is obsessed with hand sanitizer. It's very, very sad. Her mom is also obsessed with germs. It's just not natural. Do you ever notice that these types of people are always sick too?

I believe in proper hygiene and hand washing, but come on. There is a point when this becomes obsessive. Personally, I don't like shaking people's hands. Not because of germs but because when their hand is all sweaty it kind of grosses me out. I, however, have no problems doing the drug tests at work which requires me to dump other people's urine from one container to another. I also get great joy out of stabbing people with needles when I do their TB tests and flu shots. But I digress.

You are going to get germs. You are going to get sick. Yes, you can prevent certain illnesses or lessen the frequency of them by using common sense and just washing your hands normally every now and then. But if your body never gets sick and interacts with a germ you will never build up an immunity to anything. Think about it!

I saw a commercial for this new product out now - perfect for the germophobic generation. It's an automatic soap dispenser for your home. Because it will prevent you from having to touch those nasty, germy soap dispenser. Um, your hands are dirty, you push down on the thing, get soap and wash your hands. Then your hands are clean. I'm not understanding the need to not touch the soap dispenser here. You are washing your hands AFTER you touch it. What's the problem??

My Mom recently told me about this lady she knew who was a freak about germs. They got into some discussion about washing their hands and what if you only had a dirty bar of soap and cold water or just plain hot water to use. This lady said that she would rather wash her hands in hot water with NO soap than use cold water and a dirty bar of soap. It's soap, the dirt would wash off when you got it wet.

I know a lady who is so freaked out by germs that she refuses to put her hand into a bag of chips if someone else put there hand in and grabbed some. But she won't hesitate to hug you and she is a very close talker. Come on people, if you are going to be a germophobe at least be a smart one.

Did you know that your desk at work has more germs on it than a public toilet seat? Did you know your cell phone probably has more germs than your desk at work? Did you know that I carry my cell phone with me EVERYWHERE - even to the bathroom? I lay it on my desk at work. I sit it on the sink in the bathroom. I toss it on the couch beside me when I'm flopped down doing nothing. I sit it in the door handle of the car when I drive. Did you know I'm so NOT freaked out about germs that I'd totally lick my cell phone right now and not even think a thing about it? GASP!! And did you know I would NOT die from doing this? True story!

This has been another rendition of Jenni's Soap Box! Thanks for tuning in.

I hope I don't drop half my followers because they are freaked out about germs.

Vanity

2011-09-28T20:58:00.001-04:00

In 1997 a move came out which starred Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino. It was called The Devil's Advocate. In the movie Al Pacino plays the devil who sets up Keanu Reeves in a life full of money and opportunity. I won't ruin the end of it by telling you what happens but I have explained all this to quote Al Pacino in the movie. He, as the devil, says, "Vanity is definitely my favorite sin." This line of the movie has been rattling around in my head almost constantly for the past several weeks.

When I was five years old my parents took me to the eye doctor because it was obvious I was having trouble seeing. My left eye was found to be nearly blind and my right eye wasn't that much better. I was fitted for glasses and they were thick. It was sad. I had a an accident on the playground in kindergarten my glasses cut my eyebrow and left a horrible scar that I still have to cover with eyebrow pencil. As I got older my vision continued to get worse. I had a bike accident (yea, I was an accident prone kid) my glasses cut me again. This time it was just above my other eyebrow. I still have that scar too.

When I was in 3rd grade I started wearing soft contacts but still needed to wear glasses over top of them because my entire prescription couldn't be put into a contact. By the time I reached 5th grade I was able to wear a new type of contacts with no glasses over top. I've worn that type of lens ever since. I have glasses but rarely wear them because they are so thick and ugly.

I lost a contact once in 7th grade and had to wear my thick ugly glasses to school. The other kids were relentless with their comments and teasing. You expect that from kids. It's a normal right of passage, I guess. My parents didn't sue any of the other kids' parents because I was "bullied". I didn't commit suicide because of it. I lived through it. Got over it. Moved on. Grew up.

Again, as I aged my vision continued to grow worse. Not rapidly but honestly, there wasn't much it could do besides go totally black. My left eye is legally blind - even with contacts. I actually don't even have a prescription in the left contact. It's just a "balance" lens so my brain thinks it is doing something. I cannot even see peripheral vision out of my left eye. It's just kind of there. It's always been my "bad" eye. My right eye, my "good eye", was always corrected with the contact to 20/20 vision. Without the contact that eye is also legally blind. It's just something that has always been with me. I've really never known anything different.

When I let people in on this part of my life (something they cannot know from just looking at me much like Crohn's) I'm always met with the same thing: "My eyes are bad too", or other such nonsense in weak attempts to make it seem no so bad. The truth is, no, their eyes are not in any way as bad as mine. They never were and they never will be. Even my eye doctors have told me that I'm the worst case they have ever seen. I'm like the cases they have only read about in medical school.

I recently saw my eye care professional and was informed that there was nothing more they could do to correct my vision with contacts. My eyes have declined so much that I have gotten to the point that they cannot make a contact lens to meet my prescription needs. I have cataracts in my eyes as well which are contributing to my recent and quick decline in vision. (I blame Prednisone) The bottom line is they need to do surgery on my eyes. They need to correct the vision on the inside as much as they can, then I can have some sort of correction on the outside as well. It really has gotten to that point. Lasik correction isn't an option for me at this point because of the way my eyes are shaped internally and the extent of correction that is needed.

As if the idea of impending surgery on my eyes isn't enough to scare the crap out of me there is the one other thing that I have to contend with. Because my contacts change the shape of my eyes when I wear them, I must not wear them for 1 month - 4 whole WEEKS! - before they can do any measurements to prepare for the surgery. You would think I would be able to just wear my glasses and no big deal. But no. It's not that easy. I'm around people who are so preoccupied with their appearance, and mine, that the mere idea of this has already brought about snide comments and teasing just like when I was a kid. Really. I'm totally serious.

Someone got wind of what was going on and how unpretty my glasses are and ever since then I have been subjected to quips such as "Oh I forgot, you're blind." "Are you sure you can see that computer screen?" "Here, let me come closer." "Can you see me? I'm right here" said with hands waving. These are just the comments made to me, I can only imagine what is said behind my back. And I'm not even wearing the glasses yet.

In a perfect world I would kick their asses while force feeding them make-up and screaming "Eat this so your inside can be as pretty as you think your outside is!!" In a perfect world I could complain to management. In a perfect world I could expect more out of adults and actually get it. In a perfect world I wouldn't be surrounded by people who are consumed with themselves and Barbie dolls would have more plastic than they do. In a perfect world.... But this is my world. Things don't work that way in my world.

So, is it their vanity or my own that makes me scared to death to even attempt wearing my glasses for a month? Vanity - it's definitely what makes the world go 'round.

Nothing

2011-09-21T20:36:00.000-04:00

Nothing much is going on as of late. I'm feeling my normal fatigue and muscle/bone aches. I'm continuing my friendship with all the bathrooms in the tri-state area like normal. Feeling pretty blah actually.

I'm a little concerned about my job. The ebbs and flows of the staffing business seem to be more ebbs than flows lately and it makes me a little uneasy to be honest. I'm praying I don't lose my job...again...due to cutbacks. That would totally suck.

The only big thing going on is my birthday is this Sunday. Feel free to send me cash instead of presents this year. Times are tough. ;)

Boring was better

2011-09-04T20:48:00.000-04:00

Well after my post about my life being boring my guts decided to mix things up a bit. I have been passing blood for the last two days every single time I go to the bathroom. And that has been A LOT in the last 72 hours. So much so that I have started taking the Lomotil again and it doesn't seem to be helping. And so much so that, I am so embarrassed to admit this, but I have have two "accidents" in the middle of the night. I can honestly say that I have never had that happen to me in the 16+ years I have had Crohnn's and Crohn's related issues until the last few nights. I don't know if it is because my body is so tired that the urge isn't kicking my brain awake in time for me to get up and go or what. But at least this has happened while I am at home. And the bright side is that I got to buy some new undies today. Yea, not worth it...

So with the bleeding, I am thinking it is hemorrhoids because it is bright red and that's my usual MO occasionally. This time is just different because it has lasted for a couple days and that's not normal for me. Of course none of this has me worried enough to call Dr. GI yet because I know he will just want to do testing of some kind and everything will come back normal so I think I will just wait it out. If it continues into next week I will probably call but it will definitely be under protest.

Boring

2011-09-01T20:25:00.000-04:00

My life has become extremely boring. I get up, poop, go to work, poop many more times, come home, poop a few times and go to bed. Occasionally, more often than I would like actually, I am on call which means my phone is attached to me and with me wherever I go. I have to take calls at all hours of the night which means I basically work 24/7 for a few days straight. My life has become monotonous. Not that it was extremely exciting before but I really feel as if I have fallen into a rut. I feel like I work all the time and do nothing else.

My job has become my life. I literally breathe, sleep, and eat my job. Well, I don't sleep much the nights I am on call but still, you get the point. It's one thing to take a phone call in the middle of the night but it's a totally different thing to have to sound perky and professional while doing it. Then to turn around and make calls to people in the middle of the night to get them to go to work is ridiculous. Seriously. No one even answers there phone in the middle of the night. It's frustrating.

There are so many aspects of my job that I love. I feel like I am really helping people. I help companies find workers and workers find work. I talk. I listen. I fit pieces of puzzles together to make the business work. It's like a huge game of Tetris and when all the pieces fit, life is good. People are happy. My boss is happy. And I am compensated monetarily and emotionally. But then there are the days when nothing fits and all my pieces seem like they go to a game of Pac-Man instead of Tetris and everything turns to crap. It's the ebbs and flows of staffing. Plus, I get to stab people with needles because I do TB test and give flu shots. Bonus!

But besides all of that greatness I still feel kind of stuck. Not sure how to change things either.

The Kid

2011-08-23T20:30:00.000-04:00

My kid is extremely intelligent. Like genius level intelligent. Like the intelligent level that causes her to have very little common sense. I can say this and know that I am not being biased, like most parents, because she is not my biological child. She is adopted. Every good thing about her did not come from me or have anything to do with me. I actually take pride in this fact. Seriously. I know my own kid would have been a complete and total train wreck!

We didn't become her parents until she was six years old so we missed out on pretty much every bit of rearing that shaped who she is. I therefore, can safely and proudly boast that the kid is a genius. She has maxed out all of the curriculum that her previous school had to offer even though she only went through sixth grade and the school goes through eighth grade. So she is going to a new school this year and will continue to go there through graduation...hopefully. Unless she maxes out their offered curriculum also and heads to college by age 14. Her new school is based on Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math - all things she loves. All things I hate.

She came home today from her new school orientation with a really cool shirt. I just had to post a picture of this! It is so clever and clearly shows how nerdy my kid (and the school she will be going to) is. I'm kinda proud of that.

And yes, I did use the calculator to figure it out and the kid rolled her eyes when I said it was 44.91 times 2 and not itself. I told you, I hate math!

What's Grosser Than Gross?

2011-08-17T20:11:00.001-04:00

Remember that game when you were a little kid where you would try to gross out your friends by asking "you know what's gross?" And then they would try to gross you out even more by prefacing their gross statement with "you know what's grosser than gross?" Well, today I realized what is truly grosser than gross for me.

I can deal with a lot of gross and disgusting things in a bathroom. I mean, Lord knows, I have used thousands of public restrooms by this point in my life. I can wipe the pee from the seat, I can flush an unflushed toilet before I use it and I will be the one to go into the bathrooms that no one else would ever dare enter because I really just don't have a choice. And I also, though I shudder just just saying this, can even forgive those who put the toilet paper under and not over. Even though OVER is the only way TP should EVER go!

But for some reason I cannot get past one single, solitary thing. It grosses me out to no end. No matter how clean the bathroom, the stall, or the toilet itself, if I see a pubic hair on the seat I will literally have to choke back vomit. For some reason - even if I know who it came from - cannot handle this. It is totally unacceptable. It is grosser than gross!

Real Heroes

2011-08-11T20:51:00.000-04:00

Because I'm on Facebook I have the privilege of becoming "friends" with many others from across the globe who suffer from Crohn's disease and other related stomach illnesses. Among us we share status updates and become members of groups all relating to how our illness affects our lives. It is interesting to see how so many people with the same basic issues deal with it in many different ways. It is also sad to see that most of them, if not all of them, also suffer other illness along with Crohn's. I have noticed a trend. Now this is in now way scientifically proven by any means so don't think there has been clinical trials and real research done here, but this is what I have seen. A great majority of Crohn's sufferers also experience kidney issues ie: stones, infections and pain. At least two of my new women Crohn's friends have recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Nearly all of us suffer from some form of arthritis ie: rheumatoid, osteoarthritis, or general arthritis and joint pain. Depression, bipolar, anxiety and insomnia also top the list. I'm sure their are many other issues we all face along with our Crohn's, but these are specifics that I have noticed across the board.

As I was listening to the radio on the way home from work today I heard something that made me think. They were talking about heroes and how our society dubs heroes out of the nitwits on Youtube who make ignorant videos that go viral in days. Our kids look up to celebrities like Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga and Tiger Woods as people they want to be like. How are these people our heroes? Their lives are only tragic because of choices they have made. (I'm coming to the point, I promise!)

Then you have us. The people on Facebook who share their struggles with Crohn's disease and other illnesses. Many might say it's just a place to complain and whine, but I find there is support in it. There is a human connection to finding that you are not suffering alone. That you aren't the only one who deals with trying to figure out when and how to tell your new employer why you are in the bathroom all the time. Figuring out why something you ate makes you feel so bad and what a tasty and much more 'gut friendly' alternative there is. Knowing that it isn't because you are frigid and uncaring, but because your body physically cannot take the demands of sex after having diarrhea 14 times in one day. Sometimes it just helps knowing you aren't alone. Or a freak. Or weak.

Then I realized that WE are heroes. Everyday heroes. We are strong people who overcome huge obstacles every single day. Sometimes by working full time jobs, raising families, all while being in pain and feeling tired. Or sometimes by just getting out of bed to lay on the couch. We fight just to feel good. We fight to eat. We fight to stay healthy and strong. And our bodies fight against us most of the time. But we never give up. We keep fighting because we are heroes. We are strong and we are determined. Maybe that is why so many of us deal with other illnesses along with our Crohn's. Because we can handle it. It sucks and we hate it and it may not be fair but we still fight back and we never give up.

So to all my friends with Crohn's, from the blogs, on Twitter, Facebook and anywhere else - YOU are my heroes. Keep fighting!

Can I get a WOOT WOOT!!

2011-08-04T20:05:00.000-04:00

I had the much dreaded heart to heart with my boss today and laid all my cards on the table about my health situation. I told her that currently I am the healthiest I have been since I graduated nursing school and I pride myself on being much more than just a person with a disease. I also explained that the only thing that is a concern is my getting to a bathroom when I needed to go. (Which isn't really an issue considering I work in an medical/hospital building with restrooms everywhere!) She is a nurse. She understands what Crohn's is and how it affects a person.

I told her I felt as if I needed to prove myself before I brought up the whole thing and told her that I think I do a really good job at being a dedicated employee, mother, wife and contributing member of society despite my disease. She agreed. I believe the term "damn good job" was used. I also told her that she didn't need to make any special considerations for me or lighten my workload in any way because of what I deal with. I've been living around Crohn's since 1996. She said she wouldn't. That made me happy.

Now she knows everything and I know that I won't be treated any differently. And she is aware that I am not shooting up every time I go to the bathroom. Or trying to escape my job responsibilities. After the soul baring conversation and I went home. Then my boss called me. On the phone.

She told me that she really wanted to explain something to me face to face but with the "health conversation" didn't have time. I know you are dying to know what she said right.....

She informed me that she gave me a raise, switched me from hourly to salary and will be cutting me in on the monthly commissions as well. WOW! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Ironic twist of events

2011-07-22T21:44:00.001-04:00

Many more times than I would care to remember I have had to pull over while driving and/or find somewhere -anywhere- to go to the bathroom. Missing part of my intestinal tract has caused certain, shall we say, urgency issues and a grave inability to "hold it". When I have to poop I have to POOP RIGHT NOW! I have pushed small children aside, I have stepped on (okay, tripped over) dogs and possibly a cat or two, and most recently I slammed the computer into my husband's head while tossing it aside to make a run for the bathroom. I have also had to poop in many places that I would not care to remember because I just couldn't wait to get to a nicer, cleaner or more sanitary place. (See Bill Pooped Here for a recap of fellow Crohnie's likewise situations)

That being said, I have been taking this stupid diuretic to help with the edema I'm experiencing and I have been peeing like crazy. I take the pill when I am walking out the door on my way to work each morning. I have just enough time to make it to work before the Pee Olympics begin each day. At least that is the way it has worked for the past two weeks or so. Today was a different story. Today there was an ironic twist of events.

There was a huge back up on the highway and I was stuck smack in the middle of it. Barely creeping along I felt my bladder beginning to fill. I kept telling myself, "I can make it, I can make it." But those positive thoughts quickly turned to, "There is no place (safe place, that is) to go even if you get off the highway so you better make it!" when my quickly filling bladder began cramping in pain. I was going all of about 10mph and every little bump make the problem that much worse. I was going to pee my pants right there in the car. This was not good!

I somehow managed to get over two lanes and took the first exit I came too and just drove to the nearest gas station I could find. I had no choice. Bad neighborhood be damned this girl had to pee in a bad way!! I was sure once I actually got out of the car it was going to start dribbling down my legs at this point. I think I must have ran at least three lights and cut off an old lady crossing the street with her walker but I finally found a SUNOCO gas station. I know from past horrible experiences that these particular stations do not have "public restrooms" because they are totally prejudice against people who have to void their bodily wastes. Apparently the attendants don't even go there because I have been told there "are no bathrooms" at these stations. Whatever! So I knew what I was in for and I had derived a plan in the two seconds it took me to park and get out of the car. I was on a mission when I ran in.

Me: "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM IMMEDIATELY! I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE AND YOU WILL LET ME USE IT OR I WILL STAND HERE AND PEE MY PANTS RIGHT NOW! WHEREISYOURBATHROOMBECAUSETHISISANEMERGENCY?!"

The girl behind the counter looked at me as if I was speaking a completely undiscovered language. Her mouth literally gaped open. In her defense, I'm pretty sure my words all came out like one big word.

Me: "WHERE IS YOUR BATHROOM??"

The girl just pointed. "There."

I went in, slammed the door, threw my keys down, dropped my pants and wondered how I managed to make my way into the holiest of holy places at a SUNOCO. Twelve minutes later I was still peeing. Okay, probably not that long but I went a lot. Put myself together and went to the sink. No water. Really? Of course. Perfect!

I walked out and told the lady that she had no idea how much I appreciated it. She didn't even look at me as I walked out. I think she was too busy faxing my picture to the police station.

I did manage to make it to work before I had to go again despite the fact that I got myself completely lost trying to find a bathroom. Barely.

(Oh and before I get a bunch of comments about the "Can't Wait" cards from the CCFA explaining that I have a medical condition that requires I use the restroom facilities immediately - those don't work in Ohio. At least they never worked anywhere I've tried to use them. People think you make it up, don't understand it and still require a 45 minute detailed conversation as to what it means and why I can't just go three doors down to the restaurant bla bla bla. Time I just never seem to have. For pooping and now for peeing. Just sayin'.)

I'm staying up to catch the news at 11 to see the story about the crazy woman who demanded to use the bathroom at the SUNOCO in Downtown Dayton, Ohio. I'm sure the police sketch won't do me justice.

The Vampire Sucked Me DRY!

2011-07-20T19:50:00.000-04:00

I had my follow up appointment with the Nurse Practitioner today regarding my edema and the diuretic she put me on. I had lost a bunch of fluid for the first few days but it has slowly been coming back and though I am peeing like crazy for the first few hours after I take the diuretic, I am re-swollen by about 4pm. NP decided I better have some lab work done so they drew some blood. And some more blood. And they kept drawing blood. And I actually heard air go into the one vial because I about ran out of blood to give. And then the room started spinning a little and I got a kinda light headed. I can honestly say this has never happened to me before when I have had blood drawn. They drew about six or seven vials.

I do not, by any means, have a weak constitution when it comes to needles or blood. They don't bother me one bit so it wasn't that. I wasn't like the 350lb man who about dropped when he saw the little tiny needle I use for TB tests the other day at work. (He was okay after I gave him some Jolly Ranchers.) HE had a weak constitution! I think it was partly because I hadn't had anything to eat for a while. Maybe.

But regardless of all that, NP will be calling me soon with the results. She is checking all my electrolyte levels and my B12 and Vitamin D levels. She said it will hopefully enlighten her as to why I am swelling so badly. In the meantime she said I need to increase my fluid (water) in take and double my dose of the diuretic. She said I would pee more often than I am just more at a time. She said that sometimes when you are really dehydrated your body will hold on to fluid and cause edema. Okay, whatever. Now it is more of the 'wait for results game'. I hate that game.

Pee Pee Dance!

2011-07-12T19:17:00.000-04:00

My boss has made several comments about me always being in the bathroom. Usually said while joking about getting me a walkie talkie or headset device so she can find me and talk to me when I'm in there. I usually quip something back about it being a wise financial investment, but deep down I know I need to come clean with my health situation and tell her just exactly why I am in there so much. I just don't want to go down that road...again.

The really bad part is that for the last several months I have been having some serious swelling in my legs and feet and recently I have noticed it in my hands. About a year ago my family doc had put me on minor diuretic because I was having the same issues only not quite as bad as I am now. Last year when I ended up in the hospital for pancreatitis they took me off of it and blamed the medicine for the cause of the pancreas getting so angry. I didn't think anything about it really and never really had an issue with the minor swelling. I was a little more concerned about the pancreatitis at the time.

But lately the swelling has been really bad. So bad that I broke down and saw the doctor again. She put me on a different, much stronger, diuretic that would be much easier on my pancreas. I started taking it Saturday. I've already lost 7 pounds of water weight and it's only Tuesday! Apparently I was holding onto some serious fluid. The problem is that now I am in the bathroom twice as much because I have to pee so often. I think I am destine to live my life in the crapper.

Another jacked internet photo!

I have to admit though that it had been a while since I had seen the tendons in my feet. I saw them again yesterday and was a little more than excited. It's the little things. Once all the swelling went down I realized just how bad it had been. Kinda makes me wonder why it was there in the first place. Being a nurse, maybe I should already know that. But I don't. But the pills seem to be working and I guess I'm okay with that. I'm just really tired of always being in the bathroom.

So what's the bathroom situation?

2011-07-02T12:29:00.000-04:00

After many years of dealing with Crohn's disease and the symptoms that go along with it, I still always ask the same questions when it's time to consider making plans - What's the bathroom situation? Do we have actual restrooms, porta crappers, how far away are they, will there be lines, how hot will it be, is it going to be dark? What's the situation??

Holidays such as 4th of July are times where my family likes to go out, get some fishing in, hang out, relax, barbecue and just chill for a while. Great! But when a group of the extended family invited us to go up to their camp site by the lake and go out on their boat fishing it made me a little uneasy. What happens if we are on the boat and I have to go to the bathroom? Of course, my question was met with sarcasm such as "Hang it over the edge and go..." but that is not really an answer. Not in reality. And so yet again, we are left not doing some things I would really like to. It stills bums me out a bit.

The biggest problem is though I am not currently having a true Crohn's flare up right now, I am still very much suffering from unpredictable bowel habits. I could have a day where I only go a few times or I could have a day where it's every half hour. It totally depends on the randomness of the day. That's the part that makes planning for such adventures difficult.

So we decided not to go to the lake and stay a little more local. ERPKs only work when you have some form of privacy and not really something that can be used on a boat full of semi family / semi strangers!

Crohn's symptoms may have won this battle but they have definitely not won the war!

Bathroom etiquette FAIL!

2011-06-27T20:40:00.000-04:00

Not only did the stupid lady in the restroom commit a public restroom foul today by standing in there doing her make up while I was dropping the funk, but she went above and beyond and committed one of the worse bathroom etiquette fails I have ever come across. Apparently my poop odor did not please her. I mean, come on lady, it's a bathroom, it's poop - it isn't going to smell good! But upon her exiting the restroom - after standing there for ten minutes doing her make up!! - she sprayed her nasty perfume over top of my stall and walked out. Really? I mean, really?? Who does this?? And why would you even do it if you are LEAVING the bathroom. I don't care if my poop smells. It isn't like I am sitting there wishing someone would throw me a Glade plug in or something. Come on! Bathroom etiquette fail, lady! Epic FAIL!

( I did however, fail myself when I tweeted this. I spelled perfume incorrectly. But it's my blog and I'll fail if I want to! )

Just a cool thing

2011-06-15T19:07:00.000-04:00

Today I met the nurse who performed the very first infusion of Remicade in the Dayton, Ohio area. She is a delightful woman. The patient was not receiving the medication for Crohn's, however I still think it's a cool thing that I met her. Just thought I would share that.

D'oh!

2011-06-14T19:57:00.000-04:00

I've been on the job for about two months now. It feels like at least seven years. Just when I thought I was getting a handle on things a little restructuring happened on Monday and I now need to unlearn everything I had previously learned in the last two months and relearn it the correct way. D'oh!

It's really not as bad as it sounds. A major source of job stress was eliminated and though I am going to be in the (re) learning phase a little while longer, I think it's a good thing. I get to help implement some new strategies to help get and keep things flowing in a more efficient manner. Fantastic. But the stress, even though the bad stress has turned to good stress, is killing me.

My body is aching, my belly is all tensed up, and I am extremely exhausted but cannot sleep. I really don't deal with stress well. Good stress or bad stress. Walking, well, half walking half running, on that stupid treadmill isn't doing it for me. My hope is that once all the changes get worked out and a new routine is established things will settle down. The reality is this won't happen for a while. Like weeks to months.

I am ever so thankful for my job. I enjoy what I do and have yet to make an announcement about my health issues. This actually motivates me to stay healthy. Once it's out there it becomes a huge topic of discussion. No one knows a lot about Crohn's so I have to explain everything to everyone. Then I have to explain that I don't have cancer, and that I am not, in fact, dying. It's not contagious. Every sniffle, sneeze, or cough doesn't mean I will miss work and it's not all related to my stomach issues.

And then there is the advice that comes when people learn you have Crohn's. I get the "Oh my best friend's brother's mailman's uncle's roommate's hairdresser has that." And the "Well if you would eat better you would be fine." Which is usually said while they are staring at my lunch which consists of easy digestible, non fibrous, non vegetable related foods. Then there is my personal favorite, "I have stomach problems too. I had diarrhea (usually said in a whisper) once last week. Oh my gosh I thought I was going to die! I couldn't even leave my house!" To which I would love to repsond, "Gee, that must be tough. I've been to the bathroom with massive diarrhea five times already today and it's only 10am and I'm here." And so on and so forth. So yea, it's better that it's not out there...yet.

What I've learned

2011-06-10T21:50:00.000-04:00

May became June so quickly I almost forgot a very important anniversary in my life. The anniversary of my diagnosis of Crohn's Disease. I did the math (I used a calculator and everything!) and realized it's been 16 years since my actual diagnosis. 15 years since my resection. Wow! Just wow.

Here's a few things I have learned over the years:

1. It doesn't get any easier the longer you have a chronic illness.
2. You have to laugh at yourself.
3. You have to listen to your body and do what's right for it (I still struggle with this one!)
4. You need a good support system. Without it you will not survive.
5. You are many other things...not just someone with a disease.
6. Rest when you need to. Rest when you think you don't need to.
7. Express your frustration, your fears, your saddness in creative ways...like a blog!
8. Make friends with others who share the disease. It helps to know you aren't alone.
9. Always bring extra underware.
10. Things can and will change along the way. Don't be shocked by this.
11. If you aren't getting the treatment and care you think you deserve, change doctors.
12. Liquid diets will forever suck!
13. NEVER be ashamed about having this illness even though the world wants you to be.
14. Prednisone will forever be evil.
15. It isn't fair that you have this disease. It never will be, and it's okay to feel this way.

Survey says...nah.

2011-06-04T21:10:00.000-04:00

I've been at my new job for all of 7 weeks and needed to take off to go to the doctor already. The pain I had last weekend scared me enough that I scheduled an emergency visit with Dr. GI last Thursday. The major pain had mostly subsided by then, but my belly was still pretty tender. Since I recently (Like 2 months ago recently) had a colonoscopy and bloodwork done and everything checked out okay, Dr. GI wasn't convinced a true Crohn's flare up could be happening so soon when there was no indication on the tests. He did think the pain could be caused by a possible stricture in the small bowel. He wanted me to have a small bowel follow through - my FAVORITE test! I love this test for a few reasons. 1. It's simple, non invasive and I don't need any kind of prep for it. 2. I actually don't mind the taste of barium. Weird, I know. 3. I am able to do this test in 15 minutes flat! Usually it takes anywhere from 2-4 hours because normally a person's intestinal tract take that long to allow the barium to travel all the way to the rectum. Since I have had a lot of my intestines removed, I get the job done much quicker. It amazes even the most seasoned Xray tech!

As I sat with the scheduling lady trying to figure out if I could have the test done late in the evening or early on a Saturday I realized that the test would probably not show a single thing. I realized they couldn't schedule the test when it was convenient for me because they think it will take 2-4 hours. I also realized that after the test Dr. GI wanted to see me in the office again to go over the results. I then remembered I had an appointment with Dr. Bones (the rheumatologist) later this month. The current day, the test, the follow up and the other appointment with Dr. Bones meant 4 days of work that I would have to miss at least half a day of in the month of June alone. I decided against the test.

I have been relatively okay with minimal pain since the major episode last weekend. I am hoping it was just a freak occurrence. I really cannot risk losing my job over something that might not even been a thing. No one at my office knows of my condition(s) and I would like to keep it that way. I work with very catty women. The last thing they need is more ammunition for the "new girl" animosity they are already showing. Besides, I'm a nurse, I can make this call with a general knowledge of what would be the best thing to do right now. Right? Sure.

My name is Jenni...

2011-06-01T21:29:00.000-04:00

I have always denied it. I have always "poo-pooed" (pardon the pun) the idea. I have made jokes to avoid it. I have even gotten mad about just to stand my ground. But it's time I come clean. It's time I come out of the proverbial water closet. So here goes. Ahem...

My name is Jenni and I am lactose intolerant.

Though I posted this as my Facebook status a couple days ago I didn't get the "HI JENNI s" I hoped for. But not all my "friends" are IBDers or IBSers or even Lactose Intolerants. But that's okay. I am really putting it out there for my own satisfaction of coming to terms with this new found reason my belly isn't happy.

What I have found is simple. Really stupid actually. I guess I have known it for months, maybe even years. And my mother, too, doesn't tolerate the lactose and has pushed me to examine this as a possible issue for quite a while now. It's true that I do get a little extra bloated and gassy and crampy when I have ice cream, a glass of milk, or milky/creamy foods. I also get some pretty nasty fatty diarrhea. (That's Steatorrhea for all my medically nerdy friends!) So maybe Mom is right. Okay, (eye roll) Mom is usually right!

I also have an aunt who (God love her!) is hell bent on Dairy Ease - some kind of pill from the late '80's that she has been trying to "cure" me with since before I even knew I had Crohn's disease. She swears by this stuff and says it will make all things new again. Colors will become brighter, world peace will ensue, the dead will rise, etc... This is one reason I didn't want to admit I had issues with lactose. I have way too much time invested in Dairy Ease jokes. In all reality I tried Lactaid once and it didn't help, but I may not have used it correctly and I think I was expecting to not have any bowel issues after just one pill. Is that wrong??

So another choice I am making in this second half of the new year is to revamp the diet some more. Exclude milk and milk pro.... I am having a hard time saying this.... ducts as much as possible and see if it helps any. This is seriously going to suck! I love milk. I love cheese. I love everything dairy stand for!! I love cows! I love their big eyelashes! I love cow print!! But I digress.

This is really going to suck. Just saying.

Oh no!

2011-05-30T11:41:00.000-04:00

I woke up in the middle of the night Saturday with horrible stomach pain. It lasted most of the day Sunday and is still lingering today. I haven't felt this pain in a long time. It's the Crohn's pain. The pain that comes in waves. The pain that goes all the way through me from my stomach to my back. The pain that is accompanied by goosebumps, cold sweats and a tad bit of nausea. The pain I hoped I would never feel again. Oh, and it hurts, really REALLY bad!

Stuff and Things

2011-05-20T23:02:00.003-04:00

Just a few thoughts I thought I would ramble off tonight.

My niece is getting married tomorrow. This has me happy yet sad. It's actually my husband's niece if you want to be all technical. I remember when I came along in his life he was basically the only father figure for little Megan. She was 10 years old. She was such a brat and really hated me for taking her Uncle Jay's time and attention away from her. Her little brother was only five and he will now be a groomsman in her wedding. All grown up and handsome in a tux! My own daughter will be her flower girl. It's amazing how time goes by and people grow and change. It's also amazing how weddings - beautiful occasions about love, trust, commitment and faith bring about the worst in people. Enough said.

My job is going well. I am definitely busy. I'm still not quite sure how the job was originally designed to be a part time position only three days a week. I was about ready to hire an intern on Thursday due to the enormous amount of paperwork I had to accomplish. I have never really excelled at time management - though it may say the opposite on my resume. I like my job. My office is nice. I also enjoy receiving wages every Friday way better than I enjoyed my sad unemployment checks. Working has restored a little self confidence in me also. My boss has complimented me and my work using terms like "bright", "hard working", "awesome" and " well educated". I have to admit it kinda makes me feel like a rock star to know someone thinks these things of me...and says them! Must be my tiger blood and Adonis DNA! Epic!

My intestines are definitely back to normal. The bathroom has seen me more often than not lately and I am more than a tad sore and achy in the belly this evening. I have lagged off in my relationship with the treadmill so I think it's time to get reacquainted.

I am extremely pleased to announce that one of my friends from the Crohn's blogosphere is pregnant!! After many months of trying The Gutsy Girl and husband are expecting!! Visit her blog and read how she describes such wonderful news. I couldn't be happier!! (I'm secretly hoping for a girl for them since Mr. Gutsy doesn't know what to do with girls!! Tee Hee!)

I would like to ask for prayer for another one of my Crohn's friends. She recently found out that on top of her issues with Crohn's, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and MRSA she has begun a battle with Ovarian Cancer. I cannot tell you how much this hurts my heart. When she called to tell me (which I am grateful for so I didn't have to read it on Facebook!) she said something that still amazes me. She said, "Don't you worry about me. God will take care of me. Just pray for my kids." What strength. What courage. What faith!

On a lighter note, tomorrow, shortly after the wedding, I will be heading out to Waco to take cover in my newly prepared bunker which is stocked full of devil's food cake cookies and other non perishable items. I, of course, am doing this because of the upcoming end of the world and all. I'm going to have a little trouble repopulating the human race due to lacking a uterus, but sometimes alone is better. I am a little concerned over the time frame this will all take place however. I hear it's supposed to be at 6pm. But I really have no idea if that is Eastern Standard Time, Pacific Time or what. Also, I am worried that Daylight Savings Time may play a role but I'm just not sure if I should be prepared an hour early or late. I need to get all the sinning in that I can before it's time to go. Or be got. Or whatever. Now, if you believe that, I have a bridge.... Happy Apocalypse all!

That's weird!

2011-04-26T19:56:00.000-04:00

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K!" Yes, yes I did just quote Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. More importantly than things being afoot at the Circle K though, things are definitely afoot in my intestinal tract!

I started my new job yesterday and things are going well so far. I'm tired, hate the drive there because of traffic and I'm still not quite sure of everything that I am supposed to be doing yet, but all in all I can fairly say that at the completion of day 2 - I love it!

But back to my bowels. For the last couple of weeks my intestinal situation has been, dare I say, normal. Not just "me" normal which consists of about six to eight mushy to watery bowel movements a day, but "normal" normal like I go twice a day and that is it. No pain. Nothing. And my diet has totally sucked lately too which always causes more problems. Weird, I know.

It is hard for me to deal with this normalcy because I keep thinking I should be going to the bathroom more. Food shouldn't stay in me this long. Why have I not been to the bathroom five times yet? I honestly think I don't like it at all. I don't like that I feel full after eating. Not bloated, just full. Usually, because I go so often and always right after I eat, I am never really full feeling. But now I just feel normal. How weird is that? It probably won't last long and once all the stress and excitement of the new job settle down I am sure it will be back to many more trips a day to the bathroom. For now though, I think I am going to try and enjoy the reprieve from the potty.

The Bruise

2011-04-24T20:26:00.000-04:00

It got bigger... and greener. I really must have hit a blood vessel or something. Ouch. Actually, it doesn't hurt at all. But this is the bruise from the B12 shot. I put a quarter beside it so you can see how big it is. It's on my upper right thigh in case you were wondering where this is. And there is kind of a shadow from how I took the picture. Oh well.

And the winner is...

2011-04-20T14:28:00.000-04:00

ME! I got the job! I have been out of work for nearly two years exactly. I have been actively seeking employment for seven months. I will be out of unemployment extensions and will receive my last unemployment check at the end of this week. I start my new job Monday. God's timing is impeccable! I also am extremely pleased that this job is a combination of my administrative and recruiting background coupled with my newly acquired nursing knowledge. It's the best of both worlds. Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful opportunity. It really is amazing the way things work out sometimes. Now I get to go shopping!! I don't get to wear scrubs all day but I always did look much better in my business attire.

April 15th - not just for taxes anymore

2011-04-15T13:19:00.001-04:00

Today is tax day. Today is also the day I do my B12 shot. Every month on the 15th I inject myself with 1ml of Vitamin B12. Most of the time it doesn't really hurt and I rarely bleed from the shot. It helps me hone my injection skills too, however I can't exactly put it on my resume. I took pictures today just for fun.

The vial of B12, alcohol pads and the needle

Drawing up the B12
It's hard to take a picture and do this at the same time.

I decided not to film the actual shot. Maybe next month I will. The funny thing is, after I shot this in my leg I began to bleed. A lot. I didn't have a band aid ready so I had to scamper to the bathroom to find a band aid with my pants half way off my body trying to hold the alcohol pad on the bleeder. The whole time I was wondering how much of the vitamin I just lost with all the blood. Today is just not my day!

**UPDATE**

Check out the massive bruise that the B12 shot left this month.

I'd like to thank the Academy

2011-04-13T13:31:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I went on a job interview.  The second job interview I have had in six months. Yes, just the second interview. It was a "group" interview. One position, six people. As we were all there together in the lobby area of this small office waiting silently not speaking to each other, I was sizing up my competition. One lady was on her phone texting (loser), two ladies were actually wearing jeans (losers), one lady was in a skirt (Frick! I wore dress pants!).  Feeling more and more self conscious by the minute I was happy when the interviewer finally came out and got things started. She informed us all about the position, told us the pay, and asked if anyone wanted to leave. HA two left. (And one hadn't even shown up) so it was down to me and two others. Skirt and Texter.

The interviewer started questioning us. She asked Texter what the three main motivating sources in her life were. That's easy, I thought to myself: God, my family and my inner desire to see a job well done. Texter answered her family, her job and her friends. Loser. Then the interviewer asked Skirt a similar generic question that I thought would be just as easy to answer. I quickly thought of how I would answer that one too. But then it was my turn. I got "what three things do I look for in a job?" What the heck? How was I supposed to answer that and still be honest? "Um, okay: 1) Easy access to the restroom. 2) Flexibility when I have to be off work to have colonoscopies and other gross and horrible testing. 3) Pain pills in the candy dish." I mean, what was I supposed to say?! I cobbed some answer but really felt like I was talking in circles. I am pretty sure they all could tell I was making it up as I went along.

It went on like this for about ten more minutes of questioning.   Skirt and Texter got simple questions and I got these off the wall weird questions that had no good or easy answers. I felt like I had to out do their answers with my answers even though the questions were way different. Then I realized that I was the only one out of the three of us who was actually unemployed. Hello!! Give a brotha a break here! You two have jobs already so why are you here?? No fair!

Just about when I was ready to declare shenanigans the interviewer concluded the interview by saying that her intentions were to narrow the group (of six originally) down to three and do one on one interviews but since we were already down to three we would all be called back for one on one interviews. And that would take place the following week. I was there, already. I was dressed up, already. I was prepared to answer more stupid questions, already. But I had to leave and wait for them to call me back.  Ugh! Now I have to find something else to wear!

I really have come to realize that I hate the interview dance. It is really frustrating. I can't say what I want to say, like, "Give me the job I am desperate!" I end up trying to answer the questions with what I think they want to hear and half the time I am so busy trying to make up an answer that makes me sound half way intelligent that I forget the actual question half way through, especially if it's a two part question. I should be thankful that I even got as far as the interview. It's the closest I have come to a job in six months. And you know, even if I don't get the job, it's an honor just to be nominated. :)

Feet

2011-04-09T20:32:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I posted a picture of my feet. This is the first wearing of my flip flops this year. I was in the bathroom at one of my favorite restaurants here in town. No, it's not McDonalds - GAG! They do have the same floor though. It's just a little home town restaurant with the best food ever! And they have great toilet paper. I think they use Charmin! WOOT!

Vitamin D and a word I can't spell

2011-04-09T20:28:00.000-04:00

I now have a Rheumatologist. I have trouble spelling that word. I shall refer to him from now on as Dr. Bones because he is basically treating me for my joint pain and Fibromyalgia. He ran a bunch of tests and found out that I am severely deficient in Vitamin D. Why hadn't anyone figured this out until now? He prescribed these pills I am supposed to take twice a week. I am not sure how this is going to work because if I am not absorbing Vitamin D through my food then I obviously may have trouble absorbing a pill. I don't know. Maybe it is mass quantities and some might get absorbed. I actually haven't researched it enough to know. I just take the pills...what's one more. So far I don't feel any better but I have only taken 2 pills. It probably takes a little longer than that. :) Guess we shall wait and see.

Ooops!

2011-04-07T20:32:00.000-04:00

My daughter decided she wanted to create her own blog about her life. What an 11 year old has to blog about I have no idea. But who am I to stifle this eagerness? I am actually proud of her. She is so very intelligent and so very mathematically inclined that it leaves her without much room for common sense type things - like writing, making a bed and remember to bath more than once a week. (Bless her heart) Things like writing do not come easy to her, which is the total opposite of me. We are opposites in most things though. Math is a necessary evil in my life. So is geography. I seriously just learned that Russia is in the Continent of Asia. Seriously, I am THAT stupid! But apparently I have never needed to know this in all of my 35 years and it only came up in a conversation with my husband so I think I am still safe in not needing to know.

Anyway, when she wanted to start a blog I thought it would be a great way for her to try her hand at what little bit of writing ability she has. Little did I know she would completely rock the blogosphere. She has not only mastered how to put up pictures and videos but she has also figured out how to work the tabs and other fine details of blogging that it has taken me until just recently to figure out. Is there anything this kid can't do?!?!

Needless to say, I have been editing my blog a little bit and adding some new features. I also have been reading over previous posts of mine. I sensed a disturbance in the force when I reread my last post...a bit of anger perhaps. Yes, I was annoyed. And no, the whole post probably didn't best display my new positive persona. Oooops! You still have to admit it was funny though. I'll try to do better.

Tales from the Restroom

2011-04-03T18:44:00.000-04:00

Several things have happened in the last weeks that have allowed for the writing genius that will be this blog post. I hope you enjoy... and learn.

Tale #1
When grocery shopping it is inevitable that I will need to use the restroom. I'm not sure if it is the sight of food that churns my stomach and consequently makes my bowels think they must empty immediately or the fact that I just can't go more than an hour without a visit to my porcelain god. Either way, I found myself walking (quickly) to the potty, yet again, while shopping. When trying the handle I soon realized that the Women's Room was locked. Without a thought I just turned around and tried the Men's Room door. It was unlocked so I just went in, locked the door behind me and did what I do. No real thought to what anyone may have thought seeing me enter...or exit. I really don't care. I actually have used a Men's Room on several occasions. I mean, why not? I live with a man - what's the big deal. When I have to go there is no being polite, proper, gender biased or anything else. It is a dire situation and relief must come at ANY expense.

Tale #2
At any expense is putting it mildly. I almost near knocked down a little girl in a public restroom the other day as she was slowly making her way out of the stall and dancing around not paying attention as I desperately tried to get into the stall behind her. Stupid kid shouldn't have been in my way like that. I mean, it's not like it's a PUBLIC Restroom or anything. All restrooms are for me and me only, right? Okay, not my finest hour, but I had to poop. Give me a break.

Tale #3
If I wasn't using the public restroom at the time and could have gotten off the toilet and out of the stall with my pants where they belong and not around my knees I would have knocked out an old lady in the restroom a couple months ago. She was complaining about the smell. I soooo wanted to say "Seriously lady, IT'S A BATHROOM. PEOPLE POOP IN HERE! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE ROSES AND CANDLES. I don't like to be judged. And if you must judge me and my bowel smells, I prefer "4 stars" or "2 enthusiastic thumbs up"! I know my poop smells. I am already self conscious about it. Thanks for making me feel worse. You have a good day too."

Tale #4
This is more bathroom etiquette than anything else. Do your make up at home. Don't stand in the public bathroom while I am trying to release all the wicked evil inside my intestines and do your make up. It only embarrasses you and me. Put your face on at home. Especially when you know that someone is in the stall just waiting for you to leave so they can have some privacy. Check your make up, if you must, but do it while you wash your hands. If you break out your compact, powder, blush, mascara, eyeshadow, and all your coordinating brushes to apply said items (and I can't tell because I can hear all your primping) I am going to fart as loud as possible and it's going to smell really, really bad and be really, really loud. Then, when I finish, I am going to come out there and punch you in your newly painted face. You have been warned.

Tale #5
More bathroom etiquette. When there are nine separate stalls and I am in the one on the end and no one else is in here but you and I, if you must come into the restroom at all, don't sit in the stall right next to me. Go at LEAST two stalls over. Seriously, you are just stupid if you can't follow this rule.

Tale #6
I am shocked at the way mothers talk to their children in public bathrooms. I have commented on this before about the "Potty Monster" and other such nonsense that mothers yell at their children about. But lately I have come to realize what the exact cause of all this bowel trouble like IBS and IBD is. It's mothers who constantly tell their children to "Hurry up!!" and nag them with the "Aren't you done yet?!" comments. I fully believe that this causes us to have some, if not all, of these bowel hang ups. So mothers, please, shut up and let your kid take as long as they need. You might be in a hurry but their bowels clearly aren't. If you don't like how long they are taking just sit down, shut up, and count your blessings because you clearly have never had a bout of constipation, diarrhea or just generally needed to take five minutes to poop a day in your life. Lucky you!

Restroom Locator

2011-03-15T10:02:00.002-04:00

I love this! A restroom locator for anywhere in the world. Maybe I should put all of the places I have managed to find in my area on here.

Sit or Squat - ENJOY!!

So my eyes aren't supposed to be red all the time?

2011-03-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

To know me personally is to know that my eyes are almost always red. I have beautiful bloodshot eyes and the red really sets off my green eyes. It's like Christmas all the time! As much as I would like to say this is from smoking way too much weed, I can't. It's just not true.

Dr. GI has noticed the reddness of my eyes the last several times I have seen him. He always looks into my eyes with a look on his face like "Hmm, that's interesting." During my colonoscopy I asked him why my eyes are red. I figured maybe he would say that I smoked too much weed. (Again, kidding, I smoke just the right amount. Okay, not really. I don't smoke at all.) Anyway, he said it could be because of Crohn's disease. He called it Episcleritis. I looked it up. Click HERE to learn more. Apparently it's common in those of us with IBD. Who knew?

Nothing new

2011-03-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday I had yet another colonoscopy. It showed some ulceration at the anastomosis (the place where they sewed my intestines back together after my resection). The ulceration has increased since my '09 colonoscopy and I'm not sure what that means. Probably nothing. Dr. GI told Jay that this was "normal and can't be causing problems" but that doesn't make sense to me. I have a follow up appointment on the 29th of this month. I would have asked after the procedure but since I do love my knock out drugs, I didn't care much at the time.

My belly still isn't feeling great since the procedure. Not sure what's going on in there. Everything checked out normal so I should be fine, right? Yea, anyway... I'm STILL unemployed. I have applied to every job known to man and can't even get a bite. This frustrates me. I should enjoy doing basically nothing all day but I feel like a giant lump of poo and my self esteem (not that I ever had much to begin with) is quickly dwindling. I've been feeling pretty useless lately.

The plan to go back to RN school this month has been halted. I just can't handle school again yet. Besides, I can't afford it since I haven't gotten a job between then and now. RN school will be there. I'm not too worried. Especially since I am continuing the job search in both the healthcare and administrative fields. I might just land back in an office again and not even use my new medical knowledge.

That's all for now. Nothing witty. Nothing funny. Nothing new. Sorry.

FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!

2011-02-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

I laughed so hard I almost CUT THE CHEESE!!!

The dog - Part 2

2011-01-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in The dog - Part 1 that we had an ailing older dog. His name is Wicket (named after the Ewok). Part chow/part shepherd he definitely had an attitude. Wicket was Jay's dog before I became Jay's girlfriend. He and I started off rocky, Wicket and I that is. If you know anything about Chows you know they are a one person dog. Jay was Wicket's person and when I came along Wicket didn't like it. When Jay and I moved in together Wicket really didn't like it. But we made the best of the situation. He got his own room, his own bed, only ate the best food and for a while, he only drank bottled water. Yea, we were obsessed dog parents.  Once we got other dogs, Wicket became affectionately know as "The Boy". He also acquired several other names along the way. Some not as cute.

Wicket became the alpha dog and the only one who could ever get him to do anything was Jay. He was definitely our protector and actually saved our house from being robbed once. He would patrol the house up to five times a night walking from window to window and room to room. He kept us safe. He learned parlor tricks like "play roadkill" and "where's dickhead". He also had a nemesis - the guy who rode the yellow recumbent bike up and down our street.

Wicket ended up have a problem in his neck with a couple of his vertebrae when he was about 6. Like all good parents Jay and I broke the bank to get him the surgery he desperately needed.  After the surgery the vet told us that he would be lucky to have five more years. For three days Wicket stayed inside.  He refused to go outside, even to relieve himself but for some strange reason...he never went in the house one time. I wish I had his bowel and bladder control! I was also recovering from a much needed surgery at the same time so I was able to stay home and care for The Boy. Every morning I would fix him scrambled eggs and hand feed them to him. I cupped water in my hand to help him drink. After that, he became my dog. We bonded during that healing time. And he got better - extremely better. Wicket bounced back from his surgery better and stronger than ever. And he defied the odds.

Wicket was born in August of 1995. Jay bought him at a flea market for $35. He was our Alpha dog. We acquired four other dogs and a retarded cat but Wicket took care of them all. He went from Jay's dog to my dog. He was our kid before we got the kid. He had a great love for pizza crust and loved catching snowballs every winter.  But he got old, his vision was failing and so was his hearing. It had become increasingly difficult for him to walk and he just wasn't happy anymore. We took him to the vet on January 21, 2010, and had him put to sleep. He was almost 15 and a half.

I really miss Wicket. He was the coolest dog. Jay always talked for Wicket using a French accent. We made up this whole story about how he was a dog pimp and really ran an international poodle cartel. He even wore a derby hat and smoke cigars when we weren't home. Yea, we are crazy.

The dog - Part 1

2011-01-20T09:40:00.001-05:00

About six days ago I got a phone call from my husband. He was at work and said that a dog had made it's way into the shop. He wanted me to come and get the poor thing because they couldn't let it run around the shop, it was really cold out and it was obviously lost. Reluctantly I drove over to get the dog. Much to my surprise the little pup was a beautiful white and black husky mix with the most amazing light tan eyes and white eyelashes. She was clean and appeared to be well fed and taken care of. Someone was obviously missing this dog.

My plan was to take her to the shelter and let them deal with it. I already have four dogs at home, one of which is almost 16 and in poor health. But when I mentioned my plan to Jay he said that since she had no tags or collar they would only hold her for three days and then...dispose of her. I couldn't have this on my conscience so I took the dog home. Then the hunt for the owner started. I checked all the papers for lost dogs, I called the shelter to report that we had found the dog and if anyone came looking we had her. Jay contacted two police departments to make the same report and then walked for 45 minutes from house to house looking for the owners. We also took her to a vet to have them scan her for a chip to identify her. All to no avail. No chip, no owners, no ads, nothing. I even posted an ad on Craig's List for this dog and though I have gotten some interesting (and creepy) offers and responses, none have been about the dog we found.

Now, I am sitting here with two dogs sleeping on the couch, two sleeping on the floor and one in the bedroom. I'm not even sure what has happened to our cat. She is around here somewhere I supposed. Sometimes it's hard having such a heart for animals. Maybe I should scratch being a nurse and start a shelter of my own!

We are still holding out hope, scratch that, Jay and I are still holding out hope, that the dog's owners will turn up. The kid is in love with the dog and told us we must name her because "we just can't keep calling her puppy and hey you!" We decided on Ellie. I have a feeling she is ours forever. Too bad I don't live on a farm with lots of land...

Me vs Treadmill

2011-01-19T10:59:00.000-05:00

I have to say that I have a love hate relationship with this treadmill of mine. I hate actually going in the room and getting on the thing but I love how I feel when I finish. Not the sweaty part, the I have accomplished something part. :)

I have managed to work my way up to 1.5 miles in 30 minutes!! I am pretty proud of myself. It probably isn't that much but it's a lot for me. And I really feel pretty darn good about myself now. I am also considering joining Team Challenge for the Half Marathon walk for Crohn's. I need to look into it more. Suggestions?

Word O' the Year

2011-01-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

I recently heard on the radio that we shouldn't have "resolutions" for New Year's but rather come up with a word that you can incorporate throughout the year into your daily life that will help you to stay focused and achieve all the goals you want to achieve. I liked this idea so I thought about it for a while and I have come up with my Word O' the Year. It's "Choices".

The choices I make will determine how my year progresses, right? If I strive to make all the best possible choices then that will help me remain in a positive mindset - hopefully. That's the plan anyway. If you know anything about me you know I pretty much cannot stand anything healthy. Healthy food, being healthy, the "E" word...exercise. I shudder just typing it! I have about zero motivation for any of that and even less energy. But, I decided to incorporate my word when looking at the whole "healthy" thing for the new year. If I make the choice to not do anything healthy for my body the maybe, just maybe, it will continue kicking my butt this year too. But if I make different choices, better choices, then maybe I will feel a little better more often than not. So I am making the choice to walk on the treadmill that has been doing nothing but collecting dust. And I am not calling it the "E" word either! I am starting really slow. Walking one mile each day. It takes me about 20-25 minutes depending on how my knee and hips are holding up. I'm not really feeling better yet but I can say that I am happy I am making the choice to do something different that I usually did in the past - which was nothing. And that's just one choice I am making. What choices are you making? What's your Word O' the Year?

New Look New Theme

2010-12-30T12:37:00.001-05:00

Well the New Year is upon us and I have decided to make some changes to the blog. It seems as if I have been basically using the blog as a place to complain about how I never feel good. Be that as it may, I feel I am not helping to encourage anyone who may also be feeling poorly or dealing with their own struggles. So, I changed the name of the blog to Bits & Pieces to try and get away from the negativity of "hating my guts". Though I still do hate them at times, maybe the cleverness of the saying has worn out it's welcome.

Bits & Pieces are all the blog really picks up about my life no matter how often I write a post. I am really going to try to focus on more of the positive than the negative bits and pieces. I really am a happy and very blessed person - most of the time. For instance...I am going back to school for my RN degree. It's going to be a process to get started because I am going to a different school this time. I have to repeat a few courses that I already took at the other school because they won't transfer. But, that just means an easy A, right? I am having no luck finding a job as an LPN due to "lack of experience". Plus I found out that LPNs in Ohio will be forced to get the RN in just a few short years anyway so I may as well do it now. I will be starting in late March.

Never fear though, I am sure that I will still be complaining some, just not at much. So HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope it is a positive one for you.

The best of intentions

2010-12-08T14:09:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to write a blog post for quite some time. I kept putting it off until .... until I took my state boards, until I found out I passed my boards, until I was alone for a while, until after one more doctor appointment, until I had something to say. The thing is, I have so much to say and can't find any words. Me-wordless. It's irony at its best.

I did take my state boards and I did pass the test even though it was brutal. I am officially and legally an LPN. I have had several doctor visits and still find myself in pain daily. I'm getting regular massages for the Fibromyalgia as well as taking medication but nothing seems to help for more than a few hours. And I can't seem to find employment because I don't have experience in the medical field...haha! If they only knew just how much experience I have in the medical field I would be the next great GI and not and LPN.

The holiday season is upon us and I am constantly reminded of this every morning when I take the kid to school and the Christmas music is the only thing on the radio. I was recently reminded it is illegal to drive with my MP3 headphones on...oh well. I still haven't put up that first decoration and I wonder how long I can wait before the kids demands I get out the tree. I think every year I go on and on about how I loath the holidays. I'll spare you the rambling this year. I'm sure I have made the point clear by now.

Chances are the majority of my readers aren't getting this post anyway due to my locking down the blog because of my job search. I don't want any potential employers to know what they are dealing with until it's too late. Is that entrapment?

So that's basically it. Nothing new.

Frustration

2010-11-21T18:59:00.000-05:00

Many things have happened in the last weeks. I ended up back in the hospital for pain management of my stomach pain again. Only this time my lipase wasn't elevated so they couldn't attribute the pain to pancreatitis. Once they figured this out they all but shoved me out the door. The "hospitalist doctor" (who I am pretty sure got her medical license via a correspondence course in the mail) backed off all my pain and nausea medication to all but one Vicodin every 8 hours. Really?!?! That's like throwing a Tylenol at a patient who just had their leg amputated and saying "Good luck with that!" She also refered me to a pain clinic and directed me to follow up with them for care. I didn't even wait for the courtesy wheel chair to leave, I just gathered my things and walked out the door. This was a Saturday. Come Monday morning I called the referred pain clinic. This is what happened:

"Hello, Bla bla bla Pain Clinic"

"I would like to make an appointment with Dr. so and so please

"Well you need a referral for that."

"I was just in the hospital and was told to call and make an appointment. The doctor their said she would be my referral."

"Well she needs to call here before we can make your appointment. Where is your pain anyway?"

"In my stomach."

"Oh well we don't treat abdominal pain. You should go see an OB/GYN for that."

"What? Why? I have already had a total hysterectomy. What would a gynecologist do? What am I supposed to do now?!"

"Not sure but abdominal pain is really hard to do anything about anyway."

CLICK

What the F(RIC)K???

I lost my will to live for a brief moment then called Dr. GI and told the not so very pleasant MA what happened. She said she would call me back. After cursing her under my breath for not giving me acceptable answers to my dilemma immediately, I waited for the return call. Hours later she called me back and gave me the number of yet another pain clinic. I called them and they do treat patients with abdominal pain but needed a referral from my doctor's office before they could book an appointment for me. Why the delightful MA didn't already take care of this I have no idea. So I called Dr. GI's office back and had to leave a message asking them to please fax the referral so I could make an appointment. That was two weeks ago and I have yet to hear from either office.

Meanwhile, I was running out of pain medication and needed a quick fix so I called my family doctor to make an appointment to try and get some drugs. (That sounds way worse that what it actually was. I was leaving for North Carolina for a week and didn't have enough to last.) Couldn't get in with my doctor but they said the Nurse Practitioner was in and she can write prescriptions so I took the appointment with her.

She came in and asked how I was and I broke down. I was more than a little stressed. I told her what had happen with the pain clinic issues and how I was in pain and how not only my stomach but my whole body hurts all the time and it hurts when people touch me and I can't sleep and I'm just so tired all the time and I went on and on and on. She listened quietly to everything I had to say and the more that I talked the more that she was mentally putting the pieces of my physiological puzzle together. She asked me to stand up and said, "You are not going to like me but I have to do this..." She started pushing on the Fibromyalgia trigger points and about dropped me to the ground. She explained that I did, in fact, for sure, have Fibromyalgia. She said the majority of my painful symptoms, sleep issues, tiredness, mental fog, etc were all classic symptoms. She wrote me a prescription for Lyrica and Xanaflex (NOT Xanax, mind you) and wants me to come back in four weeks. She also said that she would get me in with the pain management clinic but so far I still haven't heard from them. She explained that since I have such fair skin and fair eyes that I probably make a ton of scar tissue and since I have had more that 8 abdominal surgeries I am most likely experiencing at least some scar tissue/adhesions in my abdomen and that could be attributing to some of my recurrent pain that is not pancreatitis related. She said there is really only one good way to deal with that and that is to get pregnant. I was so glad she brought up THAT failure!! I hate reminders of the fact I couldn't have my own children and will never get the chance because of my much needed hysterectomy. (Heavy sigh) Once she realized pregnancy wasn't an option she said the pain clinic would probably help.

It's only been about a week since I started the new medicine but I do feel a little better. A little. I am on my way home from North Carolina as I write this. My parents allowed me to tag along on yet another trip. I got to see my aunt and uncle who live in NC and got a chance to relax a bit before tackling more pain clinic issues. The Blue Ridge Mountains are very pretty though we just missed all the colorful foliage by about a week or two. :(

One more thing before I end this very long post. I finally scheduled my state boards so I can get my nursing license. I go on December 1st. I seriously need to study.

Drugs

2010-10-27T11:23:00.000-04:00

Well I was feeling really good over the weekend but now my pancreas is hurting again. I have drugs to help with the pain. Lots of drugs. Morphine, Percocet and Vicodin. I've thought of taking them all at once but that's probably a bad idea. It probably wouldn't help the pain anyway. I saw Dr. GI Monday morning and, of course, was still feeling good from the weekend. He said I didn't have to come back for 6 months unless I had a problem between now and then. I was excited and thought I would be able to resume life as normal. Take my state boards and get on with finding a nursing job. Well, I woke up yesterday and realized that strange pain I was having in my upper stomach was the same pain I was having during the pancreatitis attack when I was in the hospital. It's wasn't as bad (thank GOD!) but it was definitely there. Today it's a little worse. I've taken my Percocet and in a few hours will take something else to try and keep the pain at a minimum. I just looked on the Ohio Nursing website and found that I am now in a PENDING status. That means they will be sending me the information soon so I can schedule my test. The problem is that I am wondering with this whole pancreas thing if I will even be able to hold a job. Is it time for more drugs yet?

More of the story

2010-10-20T19:41:00.000-04:00

If you follow JennisGuts on Twitter you will know something wasn't right last week. Here's the condensed version of the story:

Last Wednesday night I ended up in the ER with severe stomach pain. I could barely move. The pain was so intense that I was having trouble breathing. It started in my stomach and wrapped around my entire ribcage and cut through to my back. I was immediately taken into a room and as soon as I saw the doctor they started pumping me full of morphine. It barely touched the pain at first, but the more and more I received the more it helped. My mom was there with me and kept talking to me and telling me to focus on her. I did and that helped and I am so thankful that she was there. Even still, I thought for sure I was going to die. I really thought I was on death's door and I didn't know why. It wasn't Crohn's pain. It wasn't a pain like I have ever experienced. It just hurt so bad and I thought I would just pass away right there on the ER bed.

The doctor came back in and told me that they were going to admit me. My lipase level (pancreatic enzyme) was up over 53,000. Normal is well under 100. I was having a severe pancreatitis attack. Way worse than what had happened when I went to Indiana University. I was in the hospital for 5 days and each day my lipase went down. Well, until the 4th and 5th days. It went down and once it go into the 300's it started to go back up. When I went home it was in the 500s but I was tolerating food and not in as much pain so they didn't seem too concerned about the number and more concerned about how I felt.

Most of the time I spent in the hospital I was doped on morphine and fentanyl and was only allowed to have clear liquids to eat. They "assorted gelatin dessert" was not all that great! I hate liquid diets. But I honestly felt better on it than I did once I started eating.

Now I am home and eating basically normally I am still feeling bad. I think food is my enemy. I am not in nearly as much pain as I was when I went to the hospital but my stomach always feels full and bloated. It's rumbly and loud. I am really scared that I may have to go back to the hospital. In all of my surgeries, Crohn's flare ups and everything I have never been in the hospital as long as I was with this. Knowing they kept me there that long and knowing that you never get put in the hospital for anything any more it really makes me wonder just how sick I am.

I've only been home for two days but I am still not back to my normal. I am really having a hard time dealing with all of this. None of my doctors (and I saw a ton including my own GI) could tell me why I was having such a bout of pancreatitis nor could they predict if and when it will happen again. It's not the feel good moment of the year.

Coming down from the high

2010-10-10T15:46:00.001-04:00

The high of graduating nursing school has almost completely faded away now. I have been job hunting only to find that with no experience you cannot get hired. So how can I get experience if no one will hire me?? I am considering going back into the administrative field just so I can get a job. I still need to take my State Boards though too and that is going to take another month or so to get scheduled. I should have started the process sooner but I didn't want to do it without knowing for sure I was going to actually graduate. Not that I am superstitious.

I am feeling kinda bad lately. Every day I am fighting horrible gas pains and it feels like my bowels are twisted in knots. I have eliminated carbonated beverages and anything with even a little spice to it. I am about to start a total liquid diet to try and calm things down. I have horrible noises coming for my stomach too. I am pooping (like crazy!) so I don't think there is a blockage. I am so completely bloated all the time now though. I just think my guts are very unhappy. My bones and muscles have been hurting the last couple of days too, but I have been pushing myself a little. I have decided to paint several rooms in our house. I am trying to do this is small steps but it is hard not to get carried away some days. I have way too much time on my hands I guess. And I love painting! I feel empowered when I can ban my family from different rooms in the house.

I am excited though because on Thursday this week I get to give myself my first B12 shot. Well, not my first one but the first one I will give myself. I get to see what kind of nurse I really am! ;)

We started going to a new church too so I am back in Bible study two days a week. I think it has been good for me. I have really reconnected with God and I think I am beginning to reach some much needed peace in my life. Nursing school really did some damage to me - physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's hard to explain. At least it's getting better now.

I have also been reading other blogs from people with Crohn's disease and I have to say, though I am not in an active flare up of Crohn's right now, I can still remember all the pain, the sickness, the treatments, the feelings - everything. I think it is awesome that so many of you have blogs to help support others with this disease and to be open to accepting support for yourselves too. I think most of my current stomach issues are all results from the treatments and surgeries I had because of Crohn's. There have been a lot of advancements in the treatments for this disease since I was diagnosed 17 years ago. I am hoping and praying there is a cure soon. I really hate to see so many people suffering.

Well that's enough babbling for one day I guess. Be well.

Graduation Pictures!!!

2010-09-20T15:04:00.000-04:00

Me and my diploma

Me and Jay

Me and my Mommy

Me and Brandi GIBBS!

We met at school and are friends for life

My diploma

A huge sigh of relief

2010-09-15T20:15:00.000-04:00

I challenged myself a year ago to actually take this accelerated LPN program and finish in 11 months. I didn't think I would make it. I thought my health wouldn't allow it. I thought I would fail out. I thought a lot of things. I started with a class of 49. I will graduate with just over 15. I made it. I am actually going to graduate this Saturday. I never thought I would make it. I especially can't believe I made it through these last few weeks. With going to Indiana, spending time in the hospital there, having the EGD done this past Monday, taking pain medication like candy and still managing to pass every class (with all Bs thank you very much), I still don't know how I did it. I thank God that He saw me through it all. The closer I got to finishing the more I pushed myself. My sheer determination to finish school impressed even me. And I really don't think it has hit me yet. I don't have to study for anything anymore. There is no more homework, no more check offs, no more "tests that determine the rest of my life", no more classes, no more studying. Now what should I do? RN school is an option... Nah, not yet.

Okay, technically I still have to pass my state board test but I'm thinking that will be relatively easy compared to the HESI exit exam I had to take and I got well above the needed score on that test. I think I am going to take a few weeks off and do some much needed resting, healing and contemplating my future as a nurse. Probably will send some resumes out too. :)

Oh, and one more thing on the health front...I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a few weeks ago. Does this surprise anyone? It didn't me.

Months, Weeks, Days, Minutes

2010-09-14T12:47:00.000-04:00

I've gone from counting the months, to the weeks, to the days and now the minutes until I graduate nursing school. I have two finals left. I'm afraid to move. Not sure what happens next.

2010-09-09T15:18:00.001-04:00

Seriously, your kid isnt even on the toilet and you are telling him to hurry up? And then you talk about food at the table but you don't wash your or his hands?

2010-09-07T14:31:00.001-04:00

A Charmin commercial actually says "enjoy going more"! Really?? How stupid.

Home and in the home stretch

2010-08-28T18:44:00.000-04:00

I am home from Indiana University. Actually I have been since last Sunday night. I had to rush to school Monday for a check off in IV Therapy lab. (Passed it while still on morphine!!!) I had clinical on Tuesday, skipped Wednesday and had tests on Thursday and Friday - which I passed with flying colors. So now I finally rest. Here's what happened.

I had the ERCP and they looked at my pancreas and determined I needed a stent put in the one duct. I am not sure of all of the specifics because this process threw me into an attack of acute pancreatitis and I ended up in the hospital for three days doped up on morphine and totally out of touch with reality. I was in a lot of pain. I still am but every day is getting better. I have noticed that I am having trouble eating though. I get hungry but then when I eat my stomach hurts so bad it makes me wish I hadn't. I'm not quite sure what that is all about.

I am supposed to go get an Xray next week to determine the placement of the stent. I think it is supposed to come out at some point so they need to track it to see when it will, or if it did, or something. How intelligent do I sound about what happened to me?? Not very, I know. I'm more worried about school than anything. I have just under 20 days until graduation. This coming Friday I take the test to determine if I am eligible for graduation. I am passing all my classes with no problem but this test is the overall test of all of your knowledge and if you don't pass it you don't graduate. It's supposed to prepare you for the State Boards but honestly, I am more worried about this test than the Boards.

So that's about it. I'm here. Not feeling great but working on it I guess. I'll keep you posted. Can you believe I am almost done with school?? I can't!

Waiting ...

2010-08-19T18:32:00.000-04:00

Well I am here in Indiana right across from the Lucas Oil Stadium, which means nothing to me but apparently I am smack in the middle of Colts country. Can you tell I am so impressed?? I am sitting in the hotel waiting for tomorrow to roll around. I really liked the doctor today and he explained everything to me - complete with pictures - and I feel good about the procedure. He said it has a 60-70% chance of helping and I think that is pretty good considering he said my only other option is to go on major pain medication. As much as I love my pain meds, the idea of being on them for a lifetime doesn't sound very appealing to me. I am scared and nervous about the test. But these doctors are the best in the world at this apparently. People come from all over to see them. They are "thee doctors" for this and that makes me feel better. My doctor is actually the doctor that trains all the other doctors. That's kinda cool, right? I miss my daughter and my dogs and my house already. The idea of being so far from home right now isn't helping my anxiety. I am waiting for the Ativan that they gave me to calm me down a little to kick in. I took it three minutes ago so I am not sure why it isn't working yet. I have to be at the hospital at 8 in the morning. I hope to post something tomorrow night. If you can get a signal out in the middle of the jungle, drop me a line. :)

Indiana University

2010-08-14T20:55:00.000-04:00

The day is quickly approaching when I take off for Indiana University. I meet with the GI there this Thursday and then have the ERCP procedure done on Friday. I have a ton of questions that I really need to start writing down so I don't forget them. I am really freaked out. I know a lady who recently went there for the same procedure, same doctor, same 'general' problem and had a very bad outcome. I keep trying to focus on the drugs I will get to knock me out to keep me positive. :) Come on, you know you are jealous!!

I have wrapped up my first half of the last quarter of school. I passed all my midterms with Bs - amazingly enough, and This week should be a light week at school. Hopefully.

I am hoping to Twitter or update the blog during the trip to IU to keep everyone posted on what is going on. Stay tuned. Be well.

I will stop this!

2010-08-08T21:11:00.000-04:00

Last week was really rough. I had a horrible clinical day on Tuesday (previous post) and couldn't even bring myself to go back on Wednesday. I get to miss 2 clinical days so I took advantage of the first one. I discussed the situation (me diving into the bathroom in lieu of helping my patient) with my instructor and she said not to worry. She said it was no big deal and things happen and all those other wonderfully sweet things people say. But it was a big deal to me.

For the first time I was hit with the reality of how my unpredictable bowels can have a serious impact on someone else's life. Not just an inconvenient 'can you stop the car' or 'wait a second I have to go again' kind of way. But a serious 'I can't provide you with CPR right now because I have to find a bathroom NOW' kind of way. It made me feel incompettent. It made me helpless. It made me mad. But most of all it scared me. I don't want someone to die because I have to run to a bathroom with violent diarrhea before it runs down my leg. True, my patient only needed a dressing change and honestly, it could have waited until I was done. True there are other nurses and aides around that could help. But things shouldn't have to wait because of my bowels. I shouldn't have to be tied so closely to a bathroom. I want to be Super Nurse and help everybody when THEY need it. Not just when it's convenient for me and my intestines. Why can't I just have this?

I am off to Indiana University next week. I am going to have a long confab with this doctor before any tests are done. I am also weighing my options regarding a colostomy. I may not have "active" Crohn's right now but my guts are sure acting like I do. Sometimes I think a colostomy would just be easier. I don't know. I'm still researching. Does anyone have experience with this? Please let me know.

I think I spent enough time crying and feeling sorry for myself (and skipping school) last week. I was ashamed and embarrassed. (Yes, it's true, I still get embarrassed every now and again. Don't judge me.) But, now I am just mad. I am actually enraged at the fact that my body is failing me. From head to toe I am a mess of pain and malfunctioning organs. It's time I find a way to stop this. For good!

2010-08-03T11:10:00.001-04:00

Nurse calling for me, my patient needs help, it's a rush situation and I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! Only had time to tell my teacher I am having a situation.

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH THAT HURTS!

2010-08-02T19:12:00.000-04:00

Okay, I am not sure what the Hidy Honda is going on with my bones but OUCH! My right hip (in the back) is KILLING ME! I am having horrible pain. I barely made it through the grocery store today. My knees are killing me, my ribs even hurt. I feel it in my long bones too not just my joints. I have clinicals the next two days and I am going to have two patients to take care of. I really hope they are easy patients and can at least go to the bathroom and bathe themselves. But it's doubtful. :( Plus midterms at the end of the week. UGH! I should graduate on September 18th. I'm kinda freaking out now! What are you up to?

Indiana University

2010-07-30T12:18:00.000-04:00

I had to change the date for my appointments at Indiana University. I didn't want to try to make up an IV Therapy midterm so I rescheduled for April 19th and 20th. We have a review for our state board tests that weekend but I am going to skip it. I figure if I am not around to take my state boards because I die of pain it won't matter if I go to the class or not. :)

My aunt had a double mastectomy yesterday and is doing well so far. I think they are going to be staging her cancer at stage 1 and no lymph nodes were involved so that is great! My mammogram came back normal so I have established my baseline. :)

That's about all there is for now. I have a couple midterms next week and then two more the following week. I am not too worried about them. Just trying to keep the stomach pain at bay. I think I will make friends with my Vicodin this weekend. :)

Bring cupcakes, I'm having a pity party!

2010-07-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

I had a long talk with Dr. GI's physician's assistant the other day. My EGD came back all clear and the majority of my blood work was okay. My B12 is still really low even though I have been getting the shots so I am definitely going to keep getting those every month. Regarding everything else that I am feeling (the pain, nausea, diarrhea, acid, fatigue, etc) Dr. GI and physician's assistant decided that they can't do anything else to help me. They are sending me to the University of Indiana for further evaluation. I am scheduled to go to a consultation visit there on August 11th and then have an ERCP on August 12th. I'm not sure what all is going to happen. I'm not sure I can even go to the appointments on these days either because I have a midterm in my one class on the 12th. So, I have a few things to figure out before I set this in stone.
I know that the quality of my life is not good. I have a few moments every so many days when I feel good. Good enough to ride a bike around the Wal-Mart. Good enough to go fishing with my family. Good enough to make it through all my errands and NOT have to stop and go to the bathroom. Moments like that. But the majority of the days of my life I feel pretty crappy. I hurt a lot. Way more than I try to let on. And my pain is in many different forms in many different places. I have the weird stomach pain, pain when I go to the bathroom, pain from going to the bathroom, and severe bone pain. I did score a nice big bunch of Vicodin for my pain but honestly, it doesn't even help that much and that worries me. It leads me to ask myself questions like: Is this the best I will ever feel? Will I live with pain until I die? How much worse will / can it get? How much longer can I fake feeling "okay" until I just can't do it anymore? And the biggie that makes me feel entirely selfish...why me?

I do realize that I am no where near as sick as I used to be. I am no where near as sick as a lot of people in the Crohn's blogosphere. I am truly thankful for that. Technically, my Crohn's isn't even flaring up right now. Not to where they can see it via scope, X-ray, blood test, etc... at least. I know it could always be worse. But still. Every day I wake up and I never feel any better. I don't feel rested. I still hurt. It takes all I have to make it to school these days. And I almost didn't make it through my two clinical days this week. I'm just so tired. So nauseated. So just ... depressed. Is this my life? Really?

Why should I try to make the best of it? This just down right sucks! I try to stay positive and realize that I am still very much a capable person. But I really am starting to wonder just how capable I am when it hurts to stand up, and sit down. When it hurts so much if I lay on my left side, but I can't even take a deep breath when I lay on my right side because of the pain. I have at least a mild headache every day and never get more than three hours of sleep at a time because I have to get up and go to the bathroom all night. I guess I just really feel like voicing the fact that my quality of life is so bad I am starting to wonder why I have to deal with all of this at all. What's the point? I mean, what good is this doing? What is it proving? That I can look okay on the outside when I literally feel like my body is decaying on the inside? When I haven't even turned 35 and I feel like I am 95? That I can go from doctor to doctor and have test after test and no one or nothing can help me. I am so more than frustrated I cannot even think of a word for what I feel.

Alright now, who has the cupcakes for my pity party??

Pinkie

2010-07-16T20:09:00.001-04:00

There she is boys and girls. The bike I want. The bike I was cruising around Wal-Mart on. Isn't she sweet??

2010-07-16T19:06:00.001-04:00

Just rode a sweet bike all over Wal-Mart!! Picture to follow!!

2010-07-16T15:03:00.001-04:00

Nothing like having to leave a cart full of groceries and run to the bathroom!!. I hate that? Note to self...go to the store in pairs.

The Mammogram

2010-07-14T21:22:00.000-04:00

My mom's oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was in her late fifties/early sixties. She beat it. She was diagnosed with a different kind of breast cancer in her late sixties early seventies. She beat that too. She had a granddaughter who was diagnosed with a totally different kind of breast cancer in her mid twenties. She died weeks before her 31st birthday. (She had a blog that is still up and her mom writes on it now - http://fortscancersux.blogspot.com/). My mom's other sister (my Godmother) was just diagnosed with breast cancer a few days ago. I am worried and sad.

I discussed this with my family doctor. You see, since I had the hysterectomy and have been on hormone replacement therapy, I have absolutely no use for my Dr. OB/GYN. I have no parts to be assessed anymore yet they feel they need to do this regularly before they refill my prescription of estrogen. Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking. I should still get checked because I can still get different forms of cancer "downstairs" and I know that. But I was checked last year so it isn't like it's been decades. Anywhooo... as I discussed my family history of breast cancer with my family doc she suggested I get a mammogram. Just as a baseline. Something to compare to as I age and honestly, I felt good about that. I want to make sure... you know, peace of mind. One less thing to worry about.

I went for said mammogram today. It's not the most humiliating test I have done so that's good. I can't even say that it's the most uncomfortable test I have done either - though it ranks right up there. The radiology tech was awesome and made it less embarrassing so that helped a lot. I'm not one to bare it all. The more clothes I can wear the better, in my opinion. Let's face it, when my clothes come off for tests the drugs are sure to follow to knock me out. Think colonoscopy. Not this time. But the tech was sweet and didn't laugh at my fat or my surgery scars on my stomach. At least not in front of me anyway. The worst part about the test is that you cannot wear any deodorant. It's summer. It's hot. I'm fat. I sweat. No, I don't "glisten". I sweat. Heck after a day at clinicals moving around old people I 'man sweat'!! But I did shower right before I left for the appointment so I wasn't too stinky. Oddly enough, the room wasn't cold like most procedure rooms. And as I was a little on the nervous side about standing half naked in a room with a total stranger lifting my boobs onto a platform one at a time to be squished by a plastic plate so I did inevitably start to perspire a little. But by the time I was wishing I had my stick of Secret the test was over and I was free to go. Yay! But OUCH! My test results will be sent to my doctor, 3-5 days, blah, blah, blah.

I'm glad I had the test done. But I have to say, I am sore. Really sore. I am literally thinking of taking some mild pain relievers. Okay, who am I kidding, I seriously would take some Vicodin right now if I had it. When I was little (and skinnier) I couldn't wait to have boobs. Now, as I sit here hurting I am wondering if I can somehow become flat chested again so I can just stand against a flat Xray screen with no squishing next time.

The camping adventure

2010-07-10T15:22:00.000-04:00

Camping in the RV was a lot of fun. Especially because I got the following pictures. Of all the ones I took these are the only ones that really should be shared with everyone. Enjoy!

Are you feeling at all safer knowing this policeman is watching out for you with his killer canine?

The two week old baby that was brought along to camp was allowed in the stroller and carried around by everyone on the campground all hours of the day and night. But this baby needed it's shade!

I don't know where to begin. The baldness, the pony tail, the hairy back or the underwear hanging out.

I refuse to post the side view with the beer gut!

2010-07-04T15:21:00.001-04:00

Heading home. Back to reality.

2010-07-03T10:50:00.001-04:00

I am being subjected to rap music! My dad thinks the radio or TV must be on. LQTM!

2010-07-02T19:08:00.001-04:00

Yea we are roughing it. My dad brought power tools!!!

2010-07-02T14:04:00.001-04:00

And the first person I see on this trip has a MULLET! Where Ky, Oh, & In meet!

2010-07-02T13:07:00.001-04:00

We are halfway to the camp site. Aside from traffic and horrible roads we are doing good. Chillin' in the RV!

A cause for concern??

2010-06-30T21:35:00.001-04:00

I'm not a newspaper reading, politic following, local news watching person. Not at all. I actually try to avoid most news the best I can. What little news I do hear about comes from my Yahoo homepage or someone calling me saying, "Did you hear about..." That's not to say I don't really care what is going on in the world around me, but, well, let's face it, I really don't. It only brings me down. I don't need anything else to bring me down. But I did go see Dr. GI today and he enlightened me to some interesting news. Read It Here.

You see, I am having some pretty significant pain and other minor issues but combined together the minor issues are really taking a toll on my daily living. I'm just not feeling good all the way around. Dr. GI needs to take a look to see what's going on. Usually, he said, he would just send me for a CT scan to check it out. Well, according to this article he isn't going to be sending anyone to CT scan all willy nilly anymore. He literally pulled up this link and shared the article with me during my appointment. I'm glad he did. I told him I was a little more than concerned because I have had so many CT scans of my abdominopelvic area which, in turn, has exposed me to more radiation that I ever realized. He said he knew that and that's part of the reason he didn't want to expose me to any more. I also asked him that if this is causing cancer how will they diagnose cancer from now on. He said, "Good question."

Had any other person shared this information with me I would have totally blown them off and "poo-pooed" if you will, all of this. But when your doctor won't schedule you for a test because they are now finding it causes cancer - it's a little frightening. My feeling is he is privy to a little more information than just what this particular article says. Dr. GI told me he didn't tell me to scare me but he wanted to make sure I was aware why he wouldn't be scheduling me for a CT scan unless he suspected something majorly wrong. Good to know he doesn't want to add to my problems. I gotta say that's a first for the medical world lately.

The appointment did result, however, in my getting a ton of blood work ordered and scheduled for an EGD first thing in the morning. Since the CT scan is out I get the more invasive treatment. But I think there will be knock out drugs involved. Yay me! Or not. Stay tuned for the results.

A little ranting

2010-06-27T15:39:00.000-04:00

I figured something out the other day. Of course it came to me while I was in the bathroom. That is where I do my best thinking. I was going to the bathroom at a restaurant (always the case, I don't know why I waste my money eating) minding my own business when this mother and child come in. There were three other stalls available so I wasn't worried about rushing. I hate to be rushed. All of a sudden I hear the door to one of the stalls slam shut and I hear this mother yell "Now hurry up! I don't have time to wait for you!" I sat there astonished. I really wanted to go out there and punch the woman in the face but I wasn't exactly in a position to do so. This reminded me of another incident that happened while I was at the store a year or so ago. I may have blogged about it. I'll have to look back and see. But I was again, in the bathroom minding my own business. A mother and child come in and the very impatient mother starts yelling at this child (who couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old) saying "You'd better hurry up or the Toilet Monster is going to get you!" Really?? WOW!

As I sat there thinking about how annoyed I was becoming at this mother for yelling at her kid because she had to use the bathroom, it came to me. It's no wonder why we have so many people who have bathroom anxiety. Fear of the toilet, germs, pooping in public, the noises, the smells, the whole restroom thing in and of itself. My own daughter is a perfect example. She refuses to go the bathroom at school. She literally just won't do it. Every day on the ride home she lets out the most horrendous gas you could possibly imagine and no sooner do we get in the door then she is headed to the bathroom. I have tried to explain it is not good for her to hold it like that but she won't comply. She won't even pee at school. As you may already know she is adopted. We got her when she was 6 years old....already potty trained and doing most of everything on her own. I don't know how her whole potty training situation went or if there was someone yelling at her but it is obvious that she knows that I use bathrooms anywhere and everywhere without prejudice. Needless to say, I don't know where she gets her bathroom anxiety from. I worry about her.

And what about bowel trouble itself? If we are told when we are just learning how to go to the bathroom that we have to hurry up and there is no time to wait then aren't be being conditioned to hold it until a more convenient time? That's not good on any part of our intestinal system. I know this, I'm almost a real nurse! And how horrible is it to tell a small child if they don't go fast enough that a mythical Toilet Monster is going to get them. Why would you do that?

Now I am in no way saying that every person who may have some sort of bowel issue or bathroom anxiety had parents who yelled at them while potty training. Nor am I saying that yelling at your kids is bad. I yell at my kid all the time. :) I just feel like you shouldn't yell at your kids when it comes to anything that has to do with normal human bodily functions like pooping. I mean, why give a kid a complex about it at such an early age - or any age. It's just wrong. I'm just saying. I also do recognize the fact that there may be other extenuating circumstances about the yelling that was going on outside of what I heard. It is possible I don't know all the facts. But I still don't think there is any reason to yell at anyone about having to use the bathroom whenever and wherever they need to. Or how often they need to. So there, I said it. I feel better now.

Some changes again

2010-06-26T11:22:00.002-04:00

I am trying to figure out how to allow comments on my blog without allowing SPAM stupid people to post things. Bear with me a while please.

The TEKI Bus!

2010-06-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

Certain things I do not do. Not because I don't WANT to do them but because I DON'T do them. Mostly because of the anxiety they cause me because of my unpredictable bowels. Example: it puts me into a frenzy just thinking about taking a long car trip. Long meaning anything longer than the 9 minutes it takes me to drive to Wal-Mart. I did develop the ERPK (Emergency Roadside Potty Kit) and it has come in handy a time or two. But even with that peace of mind I still freak. Especially if I am with people other than my family. Embarrassment is still a big issue for me. But I have really tried to find a way around the potential 4th degree anxiety attacks for the things I really like to do.

There are lots of things that have had to find ways around. Fishing is one...and yes, I bait my own hook. Except with leeches because that's just gross!! There is a local pond/lake within a two minute walk to my in-law's that is mighty convenient to fish at. I don't mind getting dirty. I actually caught a snapping turtle the other night...but that's a story for another post. :) Camping is another one. I do not in any way get into the "digging a hole" to use the bathroom. Seriously, with as much as I go I would put a groundhog to shame with as many holes as I would need to dig. I would also have thighs that Suzanne Somers would be proud of with all the squatting. But I digress. That's really the only thing that made me shy away from camping. Sure the ground may be hard and you might have to fight off bears but hey, I'm a fighter! And honestly, I love a campfire. The smokey smell in your hair the next day, roasting marshmallows, and any excuse I can use to each chocolate. "Yes we do need 12 packs of Hershey bars. We will make S'mores!" Bwahahaa!! But I hadn't quite figured out how to get around the bathroom issue. Enter my amazing parents.....

It's true, my parents are officially old. My mom is just weeks away from retirement and they have joined the RV scene. The purchase of the RV was not for me to be able to actually go camping though, it was strictly for them to enjoy retirement. However, I somehow managed to get an invitation to join them. Normally, this would probably shame me into hiding. But, I have decided to look at my parent's "TEKI bus" (The Entire Kid's Inheritance) as an opportunity to GO CAMPING!!! The kid and I will be joining my parents on 4th of July weekend in Indiana. Pictures to follow!! I can't wait to be going 65 mph down the highway sitting in the bathroom doin' my bid'ness! You know you are jealous!!

Can I get an AMEN???

2010-06-17T15:34:00.000-04:00

Praise be to God because I passed ALL my finals and will be moving on to my last term of LPN school!! I cannot believe it. I am seriously in shock! After that last test I took I walked out of the room and assumed the fetal position on the floor of the hallway and cried for my mommy. It was sooooo hard. (Insert "That's what she said" here) I pulled an 84% though and I am pleased. I also had a test that I had to get an 80% or higher on and I totally rocked that one with a 91%! I might just be kinda smart after all! Now I don't go back until July 5th. YAY!!!! Sweet, sweet relaxation!! I am breathing one HUGE sigh of relief!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I just can't stay away!!

2010-06-11T22:07:00.001-04:00

It's me again! Okay, I have gotten a few comments and e mails from people who want me to stay so I will stay. If I can help brightened at least one person's day, it's worth it to me. I have adjusted my comment page though so if you want to leave a comment you have to become a member of this blog. We will see how that works out. Besides, I didn't really want to stop blogging, I just really hate the idea of someone using this blog to send out nasty spam links. I mean honestly! And, I was also feeling a little guilty for not posting as often as I used to since I am so busy with school. But, we will see how this goes. Besides, if you really like reading this crazy blog, I'm happy to oblige!

I have finals next week. I am hoping and praying to pass everything so I can move on to my last term in school. I am looking to finish up with my State Boards and possibly get an actual real job. In order to do what I thought I wanted to do in the nursing field (work in the GI endoscopy area) I need to get my RN. I may do that. But I don't know that I can physically, monetarily, or mentally do that right now. I am really struggling in all areas and the more I learn in school the more I am feeling pulled in a little bit of a different direction. I am seriously considering Hospice Nursing. There is something about being able to help someone in their last months of life that appeals to me. But you never know, I might do it once and freak out and never want to do it again. So that is the scoop on school. Finals next week means studying all weekend. I guess it's back to the Batcave for me. ;)

My body seems to be holding steady for the moment. I really have been experiencing some pretty significant stomach pain off and on and the diarrhea has increased a little. Again, I am hoping it is just stress and nerves from school. Like I said, I really think I need to take a break for a while before I attempt my RN. (I hope that doesn't make anyone think I am less of a nurse) I am on again off again with the Robinul Forte because some days I can deal with the cotton mouth and other days not so much. I am getting over a lingering sinus infection and taking the probiotics along with the antibiotics really seems to be helping the discomfort the antibiotics usually give me. Maybe Dr. GI was on to something with that advice. Who knew?? I go back to see him in a couple weeks I think, so I am going to see if he will do some blood work to check my B12 level and see if the shots helped. I have been so worn out and tired lately I am wondering if they are helping at all.

I am not getting nearly enough rest and I know I need a lot more so that is the plan for my two weeks off school after finals. Probably won't happen but that is the plan. I will probably get a little more rest though since the kid broke her wrist today. She took a little topple over a scooter and landed on her hand. Kids. What can you do? She's a trooper though. She didn't cry once and she is actually digging her bright green cast! She didn't even want any pain medicine....that's where her and I differ. I would have request a morphine drip. Heck, I almost asked for one just watching her get the cast put on!!! So, she will have that for four weeks or so. Joy.

That's all for now. I need to get this tired body into bed. Lots of studying to do this weekend. Night all!

Last Post

2010-06-03T17:28:00.000-04:00

This will be my last blog post. I am leaving the blog up but I am not going to be posting anything new. This little blog of mine has somehow been targeted by disgusting perverts. Every time I post something - regardless of the topic - I get several "comments" that are nothing more than links to Asian pornography sites. I find this totally disgusting. This has been going on for several months now and rather than continuing with the monitoring comments and deleting game I am just not going to post anything any more. Problem solved. I am entirely too busy to deal with this type of thing. If you follow my blog, chances are I follow yours and I will continue to do so. I really thought I would have something way more profound to say for my last post but I don't. Maybe once I make it through school I will restart the blog. Until then... I'm sorry.

It's official

2010-05-22T07:43:00.001-04:00

Saw Dr. GI yesterday. It's official now...I have chronic pancreatitis. They had tossed that possiblity around for a while but I got the definitive diagnosis yesterday. I also was told that the pain in my chest/esophagus and the burning in my throat is not acid reflux (GERD) like I thought. It is BILE acid reflux. Totally different. Not much they can do for that either. Not much they can do for my pancreatitis either since I am unable to tolerate the pancreatic enzymes which are the usual treatment. I guess since I am fighting through it all and somehow managing to have a little bit of a life I just keep doing what I am doing. And this bile acid reflux goes along with the bile acid diarrhea that I have so I guess I just have an overabundance of bile. Yea me! :(

So that is what's new and exciting. Oh, and I got another B12 shot. This one didn't hurt at all.

Whew!

2010-05-12T17:54:00.000-04:00

I made it through midterms.....barely. This term is BRUTAL! I only have about three seconds to breathe before I have to hit the books again. Here's the scoop....

My stomach itself hasn't been painful but I have been having an excess of diarrhea lately. I also have been having some tremendous esophageal pain - and not just burning acid reflux pain either. I am talking PAIN pain! And to top that off I am having a very difficult time swallowing my food too. It seems to get stuck in my throat and it just won't go down. And that is frightening because it isn't in my mouth and it isn't in my esophagus and it just doesn't go anywhere. Plus, there is the acid reflux burning in my throat that isn't helping anything at all. The Protonix just isn't cutting it anymore. So, I have all that going on. I see Dr. GI on Friday next week. I'm thinking B12 again?? I never did feel very energized from the last shot.

Hope all is well with everyone. Will update when I can.

I got shot...with B12

2010-04-19T12:22:00.000-04:00

I saw Dr. GI for a check up the other day. He had previously checked my B12 level and apparently it was low. He said I needed a shot. I was excited for a couple reasons. One being I was really hoping the B12 would perk me up a little bit. I'm so draggy lately. And two because I now know how to give shots now and I was dying to see if the nurse would do it correctly. She did. One perfect IM (intramuscluar) shot in the deltoid muscle complete with aspiration. I was impressed. Though it hurt like heck and hasn't perked me up at all yet. I am thinking I may need more than just the one.

Other than that I am doing well pretty much. Not going potty a tremendous amount and I've been able to eat more vegetables and fiberous type foods lately. I have also found a new favorite food...Korean food. Imagine that. Of course I don't get it spicy but it is still amazing.

School is going okay this term. I really need to study for two test that I have this week. Psychosocial nursing and IV Therapy. I'm just having a little ADD lately. Hey look...a chicken!

Back to school

2010-04-04T18:49:00.000-04:00

Well, I am starting my third term of school tomorrow. I am half way done and ready for more. Okay, not really but it sounds good. This is the hardest term of all. I will be taking 18 credit hours. Not my choice, it's just the way it is. I probably won't be updating the blog much for a while so don't be too sad. I'm feeling good and not much is going on anyway with my bowels. Hope all is well with you. Feel free to drop me a line of encouragement if you feel like it. I am afraid I may need all I can get for the next 11 weeks.

I passed!

2010-03-25T11:55:00.000-04:00

Bs all across the board!!! I will now be started my 3rd term of nursing school on April 5th! Thank God I passed!

I'm half way done now!

Half way through finals

2010-03-23T07:53:00.000-04:00

Three down two to go. Finals are almost over. I have successfully passed Psychology which is awesome! I passed my clinical and my lab. Now I just have to pass Pharmacology and my Med/Surg finals and I will be done with Term 2. Can't wait for it to be over.

Feeling okay lately. Just stressed and a little sad. Too many things going on. That's all for now.

It's almost over

2010-03-15T08:41:00.000-04:00

Finals are next week. I am glad because I am so burned out this term. I am stressed to capacity and need a week off. I need more than a week off but I will take what I can get. I have three tests this week plus my last clinical (WOO HOOO!!) and then I get to study all weekend for my finals. Ugh!

I am just getting over some kind of weird stomach virus thing that I would actually compare to a Crohn's flare up. It was painful and kept me in the bathroom for three days. The stomach pain and nausea were the worst part. But I'm feeling better. It was going around school and here at home so I am pleased to say it was not a true flare up - though it wouldn't surprise me at this point with the amount of stress I am putting myself through lately. That's another story though.

See ya after finals. Hope everyone is well. :)

Only my life ...

2010-03-05T22:26:00.001-05:00

We had a nursing test today over the GI system and all the disorders that it entails - including Crohn's and colitis. Apparently during the test when some of my fellow classmates reached the questions about Crohn's that asked what are the common bowel habits of someone with this disease (answer: diarrhea) they wanted to yell to me "Hey Jen, what's your poop like again??" No one did, of course, but wouldn't that have been SWEET??

So I was going to the bathroom at school the other morning and I was alone in the bathroom (which contains 4 stalls altogether) and I really must say I tore it up. I was pretty proud of myself. And as I was washing my hands someone comes in and goes into the SAME stall I just came out of. What are the odds - seriously - there are 4 other stalls here people!!! So she walks into the stall and turns around and walk out and goes into another one! HA!! I chuckled to myself and resisted the urge to pat myself on the back.

Forgot I drank a whole can of Hawaiian Punch the other day until I went to the bathroom and thought I was bleeding to death. I hate that....NOW I remember why I never drink that.

Okay, how am I really doing? I'm OK. Feeling good for the most part. I am not taking the Welchol except for every now and then. It really stops things up pretty well but sometimes I feel bloated and kinda icky if I don't go to the potty every twenty minutes. I'm so weird. I am finally taking the Robinul Forte and I must say this stuff make my belly feel amazing!! No bloating. No rumbles. No gassy pains. It's awesome. The downside (and you know there has to be one) is that it makes my mouth so incredibly dry I can't hardly stand it. It's like cottonmouth times 1000! But I am drinking way more water now because of it. :)

I am also taking a probiotic called Culturelle suggested to me by my new Dr. GI. He said he takes it and it works well for him. He also said it is a really good idea that I take it if I am on antibiotics - makes me wonder if that cancels out somehow and then just makes me have biotics in my system. I don't know. Are you hungry after you eat antipasta and pasta..... anyway.... The only other problem I seem to be having besides the dry mouth is some slight flushing when I get really hot - like at clinicals when I am trying to toss around the old people. My face got really red and hot last Tuesday but I wasn't sweating. Good thing I'm a student nurse, huh? I will have to keep an eye on that. That's about it for now.

Except WHERE IS THE STUPID SPELL CHECK ON THIS NEW BLOG FORMAT THING???

You must watch this!!!

2010-02-27T23:15:00.000-05:00

I love this!

2010-02-16T20:57:00.000-05:00

I have loved this commercial since it first came out years ago!!

2 down 1 to go...

2010-02-16T20:16:00.000-05:00

Took my Psych midterm on Monday. Had to venture through a snow storm to get to school. It took me an hour to complete 50 questions. I didn't think I knew but maybe half the answers. I have been waiting not so patiently for the scores to be posted. Finally, tonight they are up. My grade...

92% = A

Thank you, God!!!