Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Oh hey, I have a blog. And a 17 year old!

Yea, I haven't updated the blog in quite some time. Whoops! It isn't that I haven't thought about it, I have, I just don't know what to say anymore.  Since I last posted I have seen several doctors for several different reasons and the results are all the same - nothing is wrong.  Or something is wrong but they can't figure it out so nothing is ever done about it.  It hardly seems worth going to the doctor anymore.  I'm still not sleeping all that well, I'm still having diarrhea daily, my stomach still feels like I swallowed broken glass and there seems to be no real cause to any of these things.  At this point it all leaves me with nothing to say or do other than shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes.  This is my normal. This is the phase of life I'm in.  Ehh, whatever.  It could be worse.

What else is going on?  Well, my tiny little daughter who is all of 6 years old is graduating high school next month.  She is driving, she has a boyfriend, she works her part time job and she has received scholarships and acceptance to so many colleges I have lost track.  (Seriously!) Okay, she isn't 6 years old anymore, she's 17 (mere weeks from 18), and I'm struggling.  A lot.  When did this happen?  When did she grow up?  Why can't I make her be little again?

I am trying to plan some kind of graduation party for her but I can't even look at any of the stupid ideas on Pinterest because I break down crying.  I refused to look at the acceptance letter she received from UC Berkeley because if I didn't look, it meant it wasn't happening.  She wouldn't leave if I didn't see the letter.  Right? Please tell me I'm right.

All of a sudden a huge chunk of my life (and hers) is over and I don't even remember where it went or what happened.  My daughter is going to college.  She wants to be a neurosurgeon - scratch that - she WILL be a neurosurgeon.  If there is anyone with the drive and dedication it will take for that, it's her.  She's a beast.  She just is.  And she will become whatever she wants and do great things and I really shouldn't worry.  I just still see her as the same tiny little six year old who said that she wanted to live with me and Jay for "eleventy hundred days".  (Backstory - she's adopted, we got her when she was six and we let her choose if she wanted to live with us.  She did.)  But now she's driving, and being accepted to colleges, and making plans for her future.  It's killing me.  I'm so proud of her, but it's killing me. 

So that's what's up.  Eleventy hundred days are almost up.  I'm trying to savor each and every second.  Had I realized how fast time would have passed I would have done a better job doing that from the beginning.

1 comment:

Patti said...

My boys are only 13 and I'm feeling like I missed where all the time went. I can't imagine how it will be when they all leave the nest. I'm sorry the docs can't help.

100 years from now maybe they will have it all figured out and you'll be one of the first known cases. Doesn't help for now, though. :( Keep hanging on.