Sunday, November 20, 2016

Alternative Medicine Update

First Visit:

The Naturopathic doctor gave me a diet plan to follow and a ton of supplements to take.  She thinks I have an overgrowth of Candida (yeast) in my system.  Probably true.  The all natural 'yeast be gone' pills I am taking make me belch garlic. It's pretty gross.  I'm fairly certain the smell is seeping from my pores now.  The one kind of powdered crap I'm supposed to drink smells like orange cream and the scent is very delightful.  Once mixed with water or juice though, it tastes like shit.  Not even orange cream shit, just shit.  Gritty shit that doesn't ever completely dissolve and leaves chunks in the bottom of the glass so you have to chew when you get to that last swallow.  It's supposed to help my stomach inflammation.  There are also peppermint essential oil capsules which literally make my poop smell minty!  No, seriously.  It isn't as refreshing as it sounds.  It just weird.  But at least I don't need to buy Poo~Pourri now.

Then there is also the other powder mix I'm supposed to take.  I can't do it though. I just can't.  Not only does it smell disgusting and kind of like coconut, which I hate, the taste is abhorrible.  It's not even something I can grit my teeth and get through.  I find the smell revolting and the taste of this powder once mixed is almost as bad as some of the colonoscopy preps I've had.  Yes, it's that bad.  And I want to take it. I want to like it.  I want to do this, but I just can't.

So now I have all these things to take that are somewhat difficult and so far aren't making me feel any better.  I also have this new diet plan that eliminates everything.  No seriously, everything.  I cannot eat anything.  The FODMAP diet was easier and left more options.  This diet is seriously ridiculous.  But I'm trying.  I'm failing, but I'm trying.

Second Visit

She adjusted the impossible diet to add more foods but is still eliminating wheat and dairy.  I honestly think she just added fish. I'm still failing at it.  She said I didn't have to take the gross coconut powder anymore, which is good because I wasn't doing it anyway.  I'm supposed to still take the orange cream powder which is kinda like, ehh okay.  She said I could freeze the garlic pills and that might help with the garlic burps. We'll see.  I'm also supposed to continue the peppermint poop pills. Oh, and there is Melatonin too, I'm taking 5mg every night.  Doesn't seem to be helping me sleep at all but she says it's good for intestinal nonsense so I'm taking it.   

She added some digestive enzymes.  I almost took them.  Until I read the ingredients and realized they contained pancreatic enzymes.  Might I remind you all of what happened the last time I took pancreatic enzymes??  It. Was. Awful.  I refused to take them.  Didn't even open the bottle.  Hubs agreed that we shall never go down that road again.

And then there was the Acupuncture.

I have been having so much tension and pain in my shoulders and neck lately (Fibromyalgia and weather change??), I'm hardly sleeping at all anymore and the massages I was getting only helped for about five minutes so I asked if Dr. Au'Naturale had anything that could help.  So she stuck with me needles.  Nine of them.  In my shin and my arm.  I didn't feel a whole lot better but I did get this...

A huge, disgusting bruise on my arm (shown with a hair tie around it for size reference purposes) from one little tiny acupuncture needle.  Seriously?!  What the hell is wrong with me that I bruise like that?1  I didn't even feel the needle, I swear!

To be fair I did go back for a second session and didn't bruise.

So honestly, I don't know how it's going.  I don't feel much better.  My stomach is still being my stomach, my intestines are still being my intestines, I'm not sleeping worth a shit and my muscles are all tight and painful.  But that's the latest.  That's the update.  I'm still holding out hope. 

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