I've not been feeling well lately (I know, big surprise) so after an ER visit, a CT scan and a trip to Dr. GI, it was confirmed that my Crohn's is flaring in my colon again. I'm back on Entocort and Pentasa and Dr. GI said if I'm not better in a month we'll have to talk about an anti-TNF drug like Humira or Remicade.
I've felt horrible for so long but it's always been "nothing" because all the tests showed "nothing" being wrong. Now all my tests are showing stuff wrong and it's becoming real (to others) that yes, I am an actual sick person. It's not in my head. I'm not making it up. I'm not crazy! The way I feel is finally justified. And that's how I felt for the first few moments. But now reality has set in and I am kinda freaking out. I'm sick. I have something wrong with me for real - a disease. I have to take a lot of medications and they have big scary names and even worse side effects. My body is going to get worse before it gets better. I could have complications. I could need surgery again. I'm scared.
Sometimes I spend so much time trying to be the perfect Crohn's warrior. The activist who has it all together. I've been there, done that and made it through and so can you! However, I'm back there again and I don't know how to process the feelings of being a sick person who is actually a verified sick person with real tests and proof. I fought for so long for someone to actually listen to me. Pooping as much as I do isn't normal. The pain I have isn't normal. And I was right. So now what?