I saw my psychiatrist today for my depression. She adjusted some of my medication, but the biggest thing she wants me to change is the fact I am not in counseling. I've done the counseling thing on and off since I was 10 years old - when my Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I told her I didn't think therapy would work for me because I obviously wouldn't be in this shape if it ever had. But she said I need to find my "inner happiness". I've decided to accept the challenge.
I've spent a lot of time at home alone, thinking and thinking and thinking about my situation. The more I think about it the further down this deep dark hole I've fallen. I feel like a failure at life because of my sicknesses. I feel guilty for my husband having to constantly work. I feel like a loser for sitting here all day doing practically nothing because I don't feel good. I shun the sun. The most I go outside is to either drop off or pick up my daughter from school and if I can get out of that I will. I've become consumed in being sick. I'm not funny anymore. This blog is a total drag and I don't think it's helping anyone. So I've decided my doctor was right. I need to find my Happy. I'm going to go back to therapy.