Monday, January 6, 2014

Never said better

I cry every day.
I yell all the time and take my frustration out on the two people I love the most, my husband and daughter. I'm sorry.
I'm sad every day.
I fake feeling okay - physically and emotionally.
I know I'm not alone but it feels like I am.
My anger consumes me.
I know I'm crazy or I wouldn't be on so much medicine.
I am stuck because nothing and no one can help me. I'm still tired of being stuck though.
I used to be so independent.  Never needed anyone for anything.  Now all I need is help.
I remember not being sick. I miss that me.
I miss things because I am sick and because people assume I will be sick. That's not fair.
I'm different.  I'm the "sick one".  Why can't be the smart one or the strong one or the healthy one?
I miss my friends.
I feel totally worthless because I am sick.  My sickness is kicking my ass.
I'm empty inside because all I do is poop. There is nothing inside me but pain.
I'm too tense to let go.  Besides, I'd shit myself.
I don't wish I could start over, I wish I never was.
I cannot accept that it will never get better than this.
I have to take a nap now.  I'm exhausted.

1 comment:

Amy Whelan said...

You are so right... I've never felt so alone as I did when I found out I had this disease. I wish it would all just end. I'm tired of being in hospitals and told there's nothing wrong with me.