Saturday, January 4, 2014

How do you say thank you?

I love my husband.  He is truly my best friend.  We fight like brother and sister, we love like two newlyweds, we laugh like we are crazy, and we have our ups and downs like any normal couple.  But we are both sick - he has problems from his Chiari Malformation decompression surgery and left over syrinx and I have my Crohn's, depression, and fibromyalgia.  We are a pair.  We are soul mates, I honestly believe that, even if it is only to keep others safe.  But no matter what happens, mistakes we've made, (mostly me) and no matter what we've been through, the bottom line is we really do love each other. 

My husband is very understanding.  He understands what it means when we just leave the house and five minutes down the road I tell him we have to stop because I have to poop.  He understands that if I do the dishes but am laid up in bed the rest of the day, I've done the best that I could that day. He knows how to take care of me. He understands things about me and accepts me for who I am - a sick person.  Now I know I am more than just a sick person but I am, in fact sick.  Very sick lately.

It wasn't an easy decision and hasn't been an easy road these last few weeks but I have decided that it is best if I file for disability.  I received benefits before for a short time and my attorney assures me I will win my benefits again - it's just going to take a long time.  Maybe a year or more.  Making this decision was not easy because we need my income to meet our bills.  Because I am filing for disability I am restricted to only working a few days a month.  Income in our house has plummeted. 

My husband works an 8 hour day 5 days a week as a CNC Programmer, Machinist, and Warehouse Supervisor.  But he is a "working" Supervisor.  He is on the floor with the rest of the employees every day working hard, moving heavy parts, running machines and enjoying himself with the occasional tape ball fight and scaring his co-workers with stupid pranks.  He has his problems though.  Due to the damage that his syrinx from the Chiari left him with, he has a limited sense of touch in his hands.  He literally cannot feel hot and cold in his fingers. He has horrible headaches that are nearly debilitating.  He doesn't sleep due to sleep apnea (He just got a machine to help but it's a process to get used to), and he has daily back pain that Percocet doesn't even take the edge off.  His knees ache and he has balance and vision issues too. But he works and he works every day and he does it for me and our daughter.

Once I decided it was best that I try to get disability because of all the problems I have been having with my Crohn's and Depression lately, it took my husband about a minute and a half to find a second job that he will be going to right after his first job until late into the night so we can have enough money to make our bills.  This job is outside in the elements and harder work that he does all day.  To be completely honest he could very well damage his own health more by doing this, but he is doing it.  He starts training Monday.  He will be leaving the house at 7:30am and not returning again until 11:30pm or later.  I'm not sure when he will eat or sleep.  I'm not even sure when he will shower!!!  He is practically sicker than me but just in a different way. But he is doing this for me and our daughter.

How do you thank someone for that?  How do you make other people understand that yes, we can argue and fight but when it counts he comes through?  It's not just his job because he married me.  He didn't have to do it at all.  But he is. And I love him for it. And I thank him more than he knows.

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