I've been working 12 hour days on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I'm good with that. I have a great new job that allows more one on one patient care. I love taking care of people. But I'm just so tired.
I'm going to the bathroom more and more despite what I eat or if I even eat at all. The Lomotil isn't really helping much and I just feel tired. I've had a few people tell me they were surprised I could work as much as I do or even work at all with my Crohn's. I can do lots of things. I can poop 400 times in 9 hours. (Okay I might be stretching the truth on that but not by much!) I just can't shake this fatigue. I want to sleep all the time.
But the other half is I'm barely eating because I don't want to go to the bathroom so much and I'm losing about a half of a pound to a pound and a half a day. I'm not a skinny Crohnie mind you so it isn't like I look like one of the Olson Twins. But all those steroids, hormone treatments I went through trying to get pregnant, and all those surgeries and the swelling that everyone said would go away never did on me. I'm carrying around steroid weight from the '90s. I'm so unfashionable - Gaaahhh!
I really don't mind the weight loss, it's just I'm afraid about how it's happening. I was just in the hospital a few weeks ago for massive pain in my rectum - hemorrhoids, but they said I was fine. How do all my labs always come back normal? How am I physically fine when I physically feel like crap all the time??
People look at me and say "There is no way you have Crohn's!" Well, yes, yes I do. And though it isn't flaring up right now, every day I feel complications from it. Like short gut syndrome, stomach pain, arthritis, the handfuls of medicine I have to take just to function, all the pooping and rectal pain. I'm sorry I'm not 114 lbs like I was when I was diagnosed but trust me, I have Crohn's. I also have Fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome and major depression. But you can't see that from just looking at me. And you'd never know unless I shared it with you. So please don't remark that "There's no way you have Crohn's!" or look at me and say "Really? Look at you." It's rude behavior on your part. I would never lie about something like this. Maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on. Nah, probably not!