Monday, February 4, 2013

Anxiety Girl

This is me, Anxiety Girl!  I have four days until my surgery and I'm convinced that everything will go wrong.  I have been having increasing pain and I'm convinced it's cancer.  I feel like my whole abdominal cavity is full of tumors.  None of this is actually true but I feel like my brain has turned into WebMD. 

I've had my bag packed for the hospital for two weeks now.  Every day I add a few more things.  I've checked everything off my "to-do" list except the last minute shaving of the legs. I'm still freaked out that they might call and reschedule the surgery, or I'll get sick and have to cancel.  (The kid has a sinus infections and I'm trying not to catch it.)  I've become a cleaning freak trying to get everything ready for when I leave my family for a week to have the surgery.  I want them to have everything they need and not have to do too much.

To be honest, I'm afraid.  I'm scared that I might not come out of the surgery and it's as if I am planning on dying, bleeding out or having complications with the anesthesia and just dying and never coming back home to take care of my family.   I think Anxiety Girl definitely covers it.  Everything will be fine.  Right?


CrohnsDiaries said...

Hi Jenni! Is this your first surgery? Are you having a resection? I just found your blog so I haven't had a chance to read the whole story.

Anonymous said...

I have faith in your doctors, and I believe that you will be OK. You have lots of angels in heaven keeping an eye on you, so relax and try not to worry so much.
Love you,

Jenni said...

Hey CrohnsDiaries - Not my first surgery by far. I've already had a resection. This is for a hernia and to remove scar tissue and also to check for active disease that may be hidden behind healthy bowel. Thanks for reading!! Happy health to you!!!

Jenni said...

Thanks Mom!