Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Paging Dr. GI. Dr GI, your patient is ready.

Tomorrow I am seeing Dr. GI's assistant and she shall be called GI-PA.  I've been having some ongoing belly pain that just doesn't seem to want to go away.  I have also been experiencing more episodes of what my friend Bill calls 'ninja diarrhea' because it comes out of nowhere and you are a soiled mess before you know what happened.  I decided it is time to call a professional.  Of course, Dr. GI is on vacation for the next two weeks so I could only get in with his assistant.  Whatever.

I can tell you what's going to happen already.  GI-PA will want to schedule me for some stupid test - like a colonoscopy probably - and maybe a small bowel follow through or endoscopy.  None of these tests will actually show anything wrong, however.  If I'm lucky she might even give me some decent drugs, but that's highly doubtful.  She will probably also tell me to decrease my stress, eat better and get more rest. Things of which will never, ever be able to happen.  Other than that she will leave me wondering why I spent the time and money to go see her in the first place.  At this point, please remind me that crapping myself in the middle of the night is NOT normal!!

Until tomorrow then...

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