Saturday, December 10, 2011

Dumb things

After another early morning trip to the bathroom I was reminded about some of the dumber things that I have thought and/or said recently.  I decided to share a partial list starting off with the first dumb thing I thought today:

If I just lay here an not move the urge to poop will go away.  Sure mass quantities of liquid hot lava (aka diarrhea) are burning tiny holes straight through my rectum but if I'm just still enough... damn, didn't work!

Yes, yes I would like some popcorn.

Dr. Pepper 10 might taste just as good as regular Dr. Pepper.  (Please don't be fooled by this.)

I like this job and everyone is so nice.  Maybe this will last a while.  (Ha!)

We have one roll of toilet paper - we can make it another day.  (We didn't make it two hours)

This conditioner is cheaper but I bet it still works just as good.  (Oh, it worked but it smelled like dirty feet and grandma's house)

Let's put the Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving this year.  it won't get old.  (It's already old and now we have no place to sit since we had to move out half of our furniture to fit the stupid thing in the living room!  When is Christmas again?)

I think I will have a glass of milk with dinner.

I should YouTube that cataract surgery.

I'm going to do a liquid diet today to rest my bowels.  (Eats breakfast, goes to the bathroom)  Yes, a liquid diet would help. (Eats lunch, goes to the bathroom four times, wants to die)  Definitely no dinner tonig....oh pizza!!  (Kill me!)

That's all for now.  I'm sure I will add to the list.  I do a lot of dumb things! 


BrightSide said...

Pizza?? Ack! Someone needs to read my post about trigger foods ;-)

chelle bell said...

gosh, Jen, you crack me up!