Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not to be negative but...

I hate my guts, I hate my doctor, I hate my doctor's guts, I hate my stupid new insurance company that doesn't pay for the medicine I need, I hate everything that is inside my body causing nasty horrible things to come out of my body. I just hate my body! ARGH! I am so aggravated. Why is it so hard to figure out what's wrong?

Here is what's going on: My insurance changed at the beginning of the year. Not my choice but I had no control over it. The Kapidex I was taking to keep my GERD under control (barely) is no longer an option. The new company won't pay for it. Whatever. Dr. GI prescribed me Protonix instead. Okay, that's fine. I took that a long time ago and it worked okay when I took it twice a day. Well the idiot doctor only gives me a prescription for once a day. So I take it once a day. One day was all it took. I woke up in the middle of the night choking on my own bile vomit again. Only it was really, really bad. I couldn't breathe and I ended up aspirating the bile which caused me to be in the bathroom attempting to either throw up or breathe for about 45 minutes. I chose breathing but I kinda wish I would have just puked and got it over with.

I am nauseous almost all the time and have pain in my right upper abdomen constantly. The pain and nausea gets worse after I eat. (No, I do not have my gall bladder) My joints hurt so bad some days I can barely walk around. My hips and back always hurt now. And to top that off, I have some "fluid" rattling around in my lungs making me cough - probably that bile I aspirated. (Great, I'll probably get pneumonia.) Anywhoo, I called the stupid, incompetent doctor and spoke with the lovely Melissa. Melissa is Dr. GI's new medical assistant. She is awesome! She is empathetic, she listens, she talks, she is sweet and genuinely seems to care about me. (Just me because in my world I am the only patient.) So I tell her everything that is going on. The pain, the nausea, the near puking, the bile situation in the middle of the night, the Protonix dosage mistake, the joint pain....all of it. She said she will talk to Dr. GI and get back with me.

Now remember the medicine he wanted to put me on for the pancreatitis issues...I can't get it because the stupid insurance company wants a doctor's authorization like the prescription isn't enough to prove I need it. So I am still waiting on that. It's been three weeks I think!!

I get the call back from Melissa a few hours later and this is what I am supposed to do according to Dr. GI. Go to the pharmacy, get Prevacid over the counter and take 30mg in the morning and 30mg at night. That's it. Nothing for nausea, nothing for pain, nothing for the eleventy hundred times I have been going to the bathroom on a daily basis. Over the flipping counter Prevacid is Dr. GI's educated medical advice! I could come up with something better than that!

So what am I doing? I am continuing to take the free samples of Kapidex I have until I go see the new doctor on February 3rd. I am not even calling it a 2nd opinion anymore. It's going to be a full fledged here I am, here are my issues, let's start over from scratch and fix it.

I am really frustrated because every day I seem to be feeling worse. I can't remember the last day I had with no pain and no nausea and I'm just going to put it out there....my butt is so chapped and sore from pooping all the time I can hardly sit! I really feel better now that I wrote this so thanks for reading it. I really don't mean to complain but I feel so stuck. Maybe I will get lucky and some fabulous doctor will read this and be able to diagnose me and send me the cure in the mail...haha, okay, probably not.


BrightSide said...

Hi Jenni,

Oh man... you sure are going through a really tough time. *hug* I hope you don't mind if I offer some suggestions? Your feedback on my posts has been so helpful, I really want to return the favour!

I think you are absolutely right about switching to the new doctor. Don't look back! If your appt with him is still far away, I wonder- can you call his office and ask about getting on a cancellation list to see if you can get in there any sooner if an appointment slot opens up?

I know this is easier said than done, but don't hate your poor body because of everything that's happening. Look at it as your body is fighing this and doing the best it can. I like to try and almost take pity on my body when I'm going through tough times - it helps me to not feel like this is something it's doing TO me. You'll be surprised how feeling compassion for your body will help you relax and feel a bit better.

I feel silly admitting this, but sometimes I imagine that my body is a little city of workers kind of like in that movie Osmosis Joe - where I have imagined conversations with the 'captain' of my digestive tract... or the workers in my stomach who are reprimanding me for eating something... or making requests of me like "Hey boss- we need more sleep" or "Where's that medicine that helped yesterday?" or "Ooo - that's a nutritious meal- let's get to work guys, vitamin C delivered today!". They give me little status reports and I give them pep talks. Yeah, it's kind of loony... but it helps to think of my body's processes as my 'team'. :) *blush* Then I can think of my body's 'workers' as doing their best to fight the Crohn's, and me doing everything I can to help them. *laughs* I've never admitted that before - but it really helps me.

Next, I ask you to write another blog post. Jot down all the positive things in your life, every blessing you can think of. You don't have to publish it... but write it down b/c it feels more real that way. It's very important not to forget about all the good things just because we are blinded by the negative. Maybe call up a friend or family member and just talk about your feelings. It can help if you ask them in advance to just be there for you while you vent. It helps.

Also.... get some Petroleum Jelly - it helps with the chapping. :)

I hope you get some answers soon - remember there are ppl out there rooting for you!

~Bright Side

BrightSide said...

Woops, the movie is actually called Osmosis Jones: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181739/

Ragamuffin said...

Jenni -- my heart goes out to you... or as my GI's medical assistant would say, "bless your sweet heart!" There can be so few opportunities to talk through the frustrations of this disease, don't appologize for an occasional necessary rant :) I used to think it was odd that the most frustrated posts from people with this disease (or any, for that matter) were about dealing with medical offices or insurance, not the disease itself. You're having quite a time with all of thee above right now, so I hope that the new doctor brings some relief and proactive movement against your flare.


Lindsey said...

oh man I really hope the new doc works for you. I hate the chaffing and all. I do know that angel soft IS the softest toilet paper;)