Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The morning of

It's almost 8 am on October 8, 2008. I am out of bed and ready for my colonoscopy today. I'm not sure if they are still planning on doing the EGD as well but I kinda hope they do just to get a clearer picture of what is going on inside my guts.

I have to tell you I am nervous but I am making light of it by typing this post right now. I want to let you all know about Osmoprep, the pills I got to take instead of drinking the nasty stuff I normally do to clean me out.

Let's discuss the liquid stuff I normally drink. I actually throw up the Colyte or whatever that gallon of liquid seaweed is that people normally use as a bowel prep before the Big C so I have always used Fleet's Phospho-Soda instead which is equally as gross but in a smaller amount. I almost can't even describe to you the taste but I will try, just in case you never had the pleasure to drink it yourself. You take about four teaspoons of the vile poison and mix it with water or some other kind of clear liquid. I choose water with an iced tea chaser usually. The consistency is thicker than water but not quite as thick as Drano which would actually have the same results on your insides. It's clear so your brain is tricked into thinking you are just drinking water. But once the stirred up concoction hits your taste buds you immediately want to vomit. This evilness comes in two flavors - plain or lemon-ginger, both taste exactly the same. Trust me on this - don't experiment on your own. It's false advertising and you will only want to sue Fleet. How can I begin to describe the taste... imagine the most vial of all flavors and add the saliva of someone who hasn't brushed their teeth in several years, rancid pork fat that has sat out for weeks, and not the coagulated fat, the liquid fat underneath the coagulated fat, and combine that with just a hint of twenty seven day old moldy lemonade and you will only begin to get an idea of the taste of this. Now you see why I choose to chase mine with iced tea. Somehow iced tea mutes the left over taste in my mouth so I manage not to throw up. It is bad going down and I don't want to find out what it's like coming back up!!

Knowing this I am sure you can see how thrilled I was to find out that there is now a pill form of the bowel cleanser that you can take with whatever clear liquid you chose. I was so psyched I actually paid $40 for these pills of Osmoprep. If I didn't have to drink the vial concoction ever again I would pay $4000! The catch is that the pills are HUGE and you have to take four pills every fifteen minutes for an hour and then four more pills every fifteen minutes for a half hour a couple hours after you take the first ones. So you are eating like 32 HUGE horse pills but that didn't matter to me. I have no problems downing a bunch of pills while happily sipping my water, or tea, or 7-Up or whatever other drink I wanted to drink. I was actually excited because honestly, if you have diarrhea all the time anyway, it isn't the pooping that is the problem. It's drinking the awful stuff in preparation for the diarrhea. So I was so excited to try this knew method of bowel cleansing. No fuss, no muss, bing, bam, boom, your done.

The time came for me to swallow the first four pills. I had my bottle of water. I was also sipping on some chicken broth. My daughter was keeping track of how many times I was already pooping yesterday and was looking forward to track what the laxative pills would do to me. (I was up to 9 times BEFORE the pills by the way). I opened the bottle and shook out four pills. They were so big I had to take two at a time because I was afraid if I took all four at once I'd choke. So I popped the first two pills in my mouth and OH MY GOSH I ALMOST PUKED!!! They tasted exactly like the liquid! EXACTLY!!! There was no sugar coating, no gelatin coating to make for easier swallowing. Just pure powdered rancidness molded into pill form. And instead of just drinking the liquid once and being done I had to eat 32 of these pills. I had to experience this over and over and over again every 15 minutes. I was so mad but I was more angry that I wasted $40 instead the 5 bucks it cost to get the liquid form of this. But I made my bed so I sucked it up and did it. But I cheated. I only took the first 20 pills and quit. I still have 12 pills left and I would love to put them on E-Bay just to see if someone would buy them.

Needless to say after going to the bathroom 23 times in a 24 hour period I am pretty sure I am cleaned out and ready for my close up.

The moral of this story is to go ahead and take the time to drink the foul liquid form of bowel cleansing and not waste your money on Osmoprep. It isn't easier - it only drags out the bad taste in your mouth for hours! I found that cran-grape juice helped disguise the taste a little but of all the liquids you are allowed to have red and purple are not among them. That kind of rules out cran-grape juice. Don't tell my doctor but I drank it anyway!

Have a great day! Enjoy everything you eat and be blessed. I'll post pictures and a recap of the results later.


William Malmborg said...

Excellent post. You have saved me some money because I was so ready to buy these pills and give them a try next time I had to do this. I hope some of the other ideas people have posted on my page will work because I don't ever want to go back to the fleet stuff. It's been five years and I still won't even use the cup I mixed the stuff with. Too many yucky memories.

Anonymous said...

lingscepI am an extremely youthful, progressive-thinking 64 yr old female, diagnosed in june 1975 (age:approx 27/28) with Crohn's and suffered from the time i was alittle girl with "stomach aches"; began to have more symptoms at age 16 and needed peri-rectal-abcess surgery;continued to suffer with symptoms but went undiagnosed. At age 23/24 had skeletal pain from head to toe(a precursor to the developing crohn's, in my case) and upon complete & thorough work up was found to have "Nothing wrong" w/me. Approx. 1974 became very anemic and still ill. As multiple drs. could find nothing conclusive for a few yrs, i became convinced it was all in my head, that i was just plain ol' crazy (despite the fact that i had lost weight). So, i developed a plan: if i was crazy, it was probably because my nerves were shot and i really believed that if i went somewhere warm and sunny, i could just stay there for a while, lay out under the sun and " bake my bones". So, in March 1975, me & my boyfriend left NY for Florida. It turned into a 3 month get away for me but i was extremely ill throughout the 3 mos., I had merely learned how to live around and endure the pain, physical and emotional discomforts, and major inconveniences and disruptions that my life had become. Upon my return to NY, I also returned, immediately, to the hospital that had done my last tests prior to my leaving for Fla. They had reviewed my tests during my absence to Fla. & discovered perforations in my intestinal tract that showed leaking of barium in to the peritoneal sac. In my absence, they tried to contact me but couldn't because i was in Fla,(& key west, bahamas, etc & back to miami. The dr. told me that they had tried to contact me so many times unsucessfully and therefore, " ... gave serious thought to the possibility that i had died." If it sounds like i had a vacation from crohns, well, nothing could be more inaccurate. Days/nights I stayed in my room; told boyfriend to "go Out, I'd be fine", because i didn't want him to be deprived of his vacation. Well, anyway, finally, diagnosis: Crohn's Disease. I needed a temporary ileostomy which was done but not removed for almost 8 yrs. (that part of my saga of epic proportion is too long to include in this post). At the time of surgery, at the age of aprox 27/28, i weighed 87 lbs.. I was originally a nice, svelte 125 lbs; i lost 38lbs. during the time i was actively sick yet remaining undiagnosed for 3-4 years. Well, fast forward 34-36 years, I am now fairly stable; i live with symptoms that ebb & flow, come & go, fissure, fistulas through the yrs.,skeletal problems but don't know for sure if that's directly from crohns or just regular ol' osteoarthritis. Continue to have yrly colonoscopies which brings me to the point of the preparations the drs. have you use prior to procedure. After drinking the gallon of "Go-Lightly" for so many years of procedures,i welcomed the idea of using the 32 Osmoprep pills and as long as they do not injure any internal organs, etc. , THAT'S the only prep Iwill use. No more "fish water" for me. I thoroughly disagree that they taste like the Fish tank water as described by Jenni. I've now used the Osmoprep for the last 3 or 4 colonoscopies & I find it to be a God send because I couldn't tolerate the "Fish Water" quality of the GALLON of GoLightly, as well. Hope this helps some people out there. signed: SALDEZI,a SEASONED, VETERAN SURVIVOR OF CROHN'S DISEASE, Irritable Bowel, Fibromyalgia, Sjogren's Syndrome, chronic sinusitis w/infections & 2surgeries, 4 herniated spinal discs, diabetes, HBP and more.