I have to tell you I am nervous but I am making light of it by typing this post right now. I want to let you all know about Osmoprep, the pills I got to take instead of drinking the nasty stuff I normally do to clean me out.
Let's discuss the liquid stuff I normally drink. I actually throw up the Colyte or whatever that gallon of liquid seaweed is that people normally use as a bowel prep before the Big C so I have always used Fleet's Phospho-Soda instead which is equally as gross but in a smaller amount. I almost can't even describe to you the taste but I will try, just in case you never had the pleasure to drink it yourself. You take about four teaspoons of the vile poison and mix it with water or some other kind of clear liquid. I choose water with an iced tea chaser usually. The consistency is thicker than water but not quite as thick as Drano which would actually have the same results on your insides. It's clear so your brain is tricked into thinking you are just drinking water. But once the stirred up concoction hits your taste buds you immediately want to vomit. This evilness comes in two flavors - plain or lemon-ginger, both taste exactly the same. Trust me on this - don't experiment on your own. It's false advertising and you will only want to sue Fleet. How can I begin to describe the taste... imagine the most vial of all flavors and add the saliva of someone who hasn't brushed their teeth in several years, rancid pork fat that has sat out for weeks, and not the coagulated fat, the liquid fat underneath the coagulated fat, and combine that with just a hint of twenty seven day old moldy lemonade and you will only begin to get an idea of the taste of this. Now you see why I choose to chase mine with iced tea. Somehow iced tea mutes the left over taste in my mouth so I manage not to throw up. It is bad going down and I don't want to find out what it's like coming back up!!
Knowing this I am sure you can see how thrilled I was to find out that there is now a pill form of the bowel cleanser that you can take with whatever clear liquid you chose. I was so psyched I actually paid $40 for these pills of Osmoprep. If I didn't have to drink the vial concoction ever again I would pay $4000! The catch is that the pills are HUGE and you have to take four pills every fifteen minutes for an hour and then four more pills every fifteen minutes for a half hour a couple hours after you take the first ones. So you are eating like 32 HUGE horse pills but that didn't matter to me. I have no problems downing a bunch of pills while happily sipping my water, or tea, or 7-Up or whatever other drink I wanted to drink. I was actually excited because honestly, if you have diarrhea all the time anyway, it isn't the pooping that is the problem. It's drinking the awful stuff in preparation for the diarrhea. So I was so excited to try this knew method of bowel cleansing. No fuss, no muss, bing, bam, boom, your done.
The time came for me to swallow the first four pills. I had my bottle of water. I was also sipping on some chicken broth. My daughter was keeping track of how many times I was already pooping yesterday and was looking forward to track what the laxative pills would do to me. (I was up to 9 times BEFORE the pills by the way). I opened the bottle and shook out four pills. They were so big I had to take two at a time because I was afraid if I took all four at once I'd choke. So I popped the first two pills in my mouth and OH MY GOSH I ALMOST PUKED!!! They tasted exactly like the liquid! EXACTLY!!! There was no sugar coating, no gelatin coating to make for easier swallowing. Just pure powdered rancidness molded into pill form. And instead of just drinking the liquid once and being done I had to eat 32 of these pills. I had to experience this over and over and over again every 15 minutes. I was so mad but I was more angry that I wasted $40 instead the 5 bucks it cost to get the liquid form of this. But I made my bed so I sucked it up and did it. But I cheated. I only took the first 20 pills and quit. I still have 12 pills left and I would love to put them on E-Bay just to see if someone would buy them.
Needless to say after going to the bathroom 23 times in a 24 hour period I am pretty sure I am cleaned out and ready for my close up.
The moral of this story is to go ahead and take the time to drink the foul liquid form of bowel cleansing and not waste your money on Osmoprep. It isn't easier - it only drags out the bad taste in your mouth for hours! I found that cran-grape juice helped disguise the taste a little but of all the liquids you are allowed to have red and purple are not among them. That kind of rules out cran-grape juice. Don't tell my doctor but I drank it anyway!
Have a great day! Enjoy everything you eat and be blessed. I'll post pictures and a recap of the results later.