Saturday, September 20, 2008

Moments that define my life

Please note - when I say "use the bathroom" what I really mean is "having to run to a bathroom as fast as humanly possible as not to soil myself or my clothing with the horrible diarrhea that is about to spew forth out of my body." This process happens with little to no warning and, as you can imagine, it usually happens at the most inconvenient times.

Just a few negative things about being me and having Crohn's disease:

I just started making dinner and have two things on the stove and one thing in the oven. I gotta go to the bathroom! I'm positive the whole house will burn down.

I just painted my nails and they look great. I gotta go to the bathroom! So much for my manicure.

I'm feeling good so we decide to take the long trip to the grocery store. We successfully pass all the places I could stop and "go" but I feel great and don't have to. Until we get on the stretch of road where there is nothing - but other cars. I gotta go to the bathroom! Seriously, can't it wait just five more minutes? NOPE!

I just finished going to the bathroom, walk out the door and get half way to my desk at work. I gotta go back to the bathroom! And don't ya know I just past the owner and the president of the company and have to walk past them again to get to the bathroom. Uncomfortable!

But the funny positive side:

Say I eat way, way, WAY too much for dinner. So does everyone else. I get to go to the bathroom three times within the next hour and no longer feel miserable. I'm ready for dessert. Everyone else is still miserable. Tee - hee!

When others have to take a day off work or can't go to an event because they have diarrhea I can show how strong I am by rattling off the number of times I had diarrhea that afternoon and still managed to clean the house, go to work, make dinner AND do the dishes - all without complaining. Ta - da!

I don't ever have to have sympathy for people with hemorrhoids!

I can always use the excuse "I'm sorry I'm late, I had an intestinal malfunction" and not be lying.

I am able to impress people with my correct pronunciation of such words as 'gastroenterologist', 'duodenum', 'ileocecal valve', and 'jejunum' for example. It makes it twice as funny when spellcheck doesn't even recognize such words!

And that's just a few of the fun things about being me and having Crohn's!

(No animals were harmed during the writing of this post. But I did have to use the bathroom once.)

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