Friday, September 8, 2017

My kryptonite

My daughter has officially started college.  She didn't go to California.  In fact, she didn't go to any of the bazillion places she was accepted that would have taken her far, far away.  She is going to college in our own backyard - The University of Dayton!  And, because we live so close, she is able to stay home - at least for a while longer.  I am savoring every second because I know it's going to end sooner than I want.



I never wanted children.  Honestly, I really don't like kids much.  I think they are loud and obnoxious, messy little creatures that even when well behaved are only mildly tolerable.  I just don't have the patience for what it takes to be around children and enjoy them.  I definitely never wanted one of my own.  Then I met my husband.  He ruined that for me.  You see, he can be loud and obnoxious but in a fun way.  A way that harnesses children into listening to him and behaving, but all while having fun and being silly. He has a slew of nieces and nephews that he was always around and basically helped raise so I got to see the "fatherly" side of him early on in our relationship.  He was a jungle gym to the kids.  They were always climbing on him, wrestling with him and playing tricks on him.  Being around children became fun.  Seeing him interact with kids was fun.  I began to realize that maybe having a child wouldn't be so bad after all, as long as he was their dad. 

When we decided to adopt our daughter I had fears that she wouldn't be enough like either one of us and she wouldn't quite mesh with us.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  Even though she didn't join our family until she was 6 years old, I have always said that my husband and I couldn't have made a child more like us.  She's actually so much like my husband we have a running joke that she is actually his biological child. And even though she is Korean and we aren't, she still sort of resembles him with the same dark eyes and hair.  She was the perfect fit to complete our family.

Our daughter is brilliant, sarcastic, witty, observant and methodical; yet she is somehow very scatterbrained and naive at the same time.  I've never thought she was much like me in the sense that she doesn't like a neat and orderly room, she is very flippant about housework and chores, and she adheres to a routine which never allows any time for emergencies. She knew it took her seven minutes to get from our house to her job so she would allow herself seven minutes to get to work.  Never once figuring in possible traffic or car trouble.  This precise calculation of time continually drives me nuts about her! I have to factor in at least 2 bathroom stops just to go to the grocery!!

She's very much like my husband in the way she processes information about situations and people especially. She has the same mix of book smarts and street smarts that he does which is actually quite a rare combination. She knows within seconds if someone is a decent person or even slightly shady. She has a good sense of right and wrong and never wavers on what she feels is appropriate. She's stubborn and determined and never really wants to admit when she's wrong.  She's not emotional and rarely says "I'm sorry."  But you know she is because she offers up a tangible peace offering and a smart ass quip to make everything better.  Somehow it always does.  She gave us rocks and little notes when she was little.  She would offer pens and other trinkets from her bedroom as she got older.  Once she started working at KFC/TacoBell her apologies came in the form of restaurant leftovers and filling up the gas tank in the car.  Her affection doesn't come in the form of hugs and I love you's but in her actions and sentiment behind them.  She's complicated.  She's an enigma.

 
Both my husband and my daughter are much like Fonzie when it comes to saying they are wrong. 

So she fit in with us, but she was always just different.  She was a quiet and reserved child, never wanting to cause a scene or break the rules.  It always worried me that she was so uptight at such a young age when she should be carefree and relaxed.  I remember going the wrong way through the parking lot at her school when dropping her off one day.  It was accidental, but I tried to use the opportunity to show her that if you don't always adhere to such stringent rules life will go on and everything will be okay.  She got so mad at me and was totally mortified that someone might see us "not doing it right."  She is still quite rigid and definitely plays by the rules, but she has relaxed somewhat.  Except when my husband and I play with Nerf guns in the house and she gets mad and keeps the Nerf bullets and refuses to give them back.  Maybe it's because we shoot them at her.  Being two immature adults trying to parent a incessantly mature child is not normal or easy but it's our way of life.  And I hope somewhere along the line she has grown to realize that having fun and acting a little foolish once in awhile isn't always the worst thing you can do.

Grade school and middle school were super easy for her.  She never needed help with her work and she never had any trouble with her grades.  She never needed coaxed into doing her homework right after school and never got into any kind of trouble with late assignments or not turning work in.  She never wanted help with anything and never really asked for much assistance with any aspect of growing up.  She was always super self sufficient.  She basically parented herself.  I hated that because even though I never wanted kids, I had this idea of how it was going to be if I ever did.  I was going to be involved and the kid was going to need me.  Shower me with hugs and kisses and tell me how much they loved me and how wonderful of a mom I was.  Run up to me and throw their arms around me every day after school because they missed me and endlessly talk about every aspect of their day, their friends, and their life with me.  Share their thoughts and feelings and come to me with every problem because they knew my hugs would make everything better.  Yea, two things about that:  1) I was completely delusional.   2) That is definitely not my daughter.  She's not that kid.

High school caused her already semi-withdrawn self to retreat further.  She hardly came out of her room and never had much to say about anything.  We rarely heard about school projects or friends, even when we inquired.  She somehow made it seem like we were prying into the most private areas of her life and was never forthcoming with information.  She never really had trouble with her grades but there were many late nights when I would wake up and she would still be awake, studying or working on a project.  She never accepted offers of help and never admitted she might be overwhelmed, though I knew she was. It was difficult to watch and I often wondered if there would ever be a time when she would actually need me.  I just wanted her to admit she was struggling and needed my help.  But she never did.

Things didn't have to be so hard but she just wouldn't budge. If I can do something to make her or my husband's lives easier, I'll do it. My family lovingly refers to this as "micro-managing", but I call it being a good wife and mother.  I always tell them I will micro manage the hell out of some stuff if it makes your life easier.  Honestly though, I just want to be a good mom and with her not needing me I didn't think I was doing any good at all.  I thought I somehow had failed her and she was doing everything on her own because I was a horrible mother.  Our family didn't feel like a normal family because there was a weird disconnect.  We were all present but not.  And then she graduated.

Dena and Dad

Something happened about a week after her graduation.  She became the super needy child that I secretly always wished she would be.  She went from going days without speaking more than a couple words to me to, 'Mom, can you help me with this, Mom can we do this together, Mom can we go here together, Mom can you come here, Mom, Mom, Mom!' And when she wasn't wanting me she was wanting her Dad.  She wanted us.  She needed us.  Finally.

I got to help her schedule her classes for college, we got to help her pick up her books at the college bookstore, my husband designed and built her a new desk and we rearranged her room together, we have laughed and acted silly together, and we have had long family conversations about her plans and her future.  She is listening to our input about things (though probably not really taking any of it seriously, let's be honest, she's still a teenager!). When we ask her about her day she tells us the things she is doing and things that are happening with details - more than just "everything is fine" like before. We are finally a somewhat normally functioning family that doesn't feel so terribly disconnected anymore. 

I am relishing in the time we are spending together and trying to hold onto every single minute I can with her.  I went from never wanting to have kids to having a kid that I couldn't really do anything with because she was so fiercely independent to having a kid that I really don't want to ever leave.  I want all of her dreams to come true though and I know she has to leave for that to happen. She wants to study abroad in a year or two.  She will be going to college to further her education after these four years and I know it won't be so conveniently located.  She won't live at home forever and I'm not naive to that but it kills me to think about.  I never in a million years thought I would be experiencing this "empty nest" phenomenon.  I mean, I hate kids.  I thought I was going to be one of those parents who was literally pushing their kid out the door the day after graduation and getting on with my life, but the sadness of my child growing up hit me out of nowhere and it hit me hard.  I had no idea that a little Asian baby would become my kryptonite.
 
6 year old Asian baby = my kryptonite



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The Fall of Humanity

I don't leave my house much.  It might sound horrible but I'm really very comfortable and totally okay with it.  I'm actually very happy about it.  Mainly because it allows me the opportunity to use my own bathroom for the gazillion times a day that I need to go, but also because every time I do leave the house my faith in the human race dwindles a little more.  Here are just a few things that I am noticing every single time I leave home which makes me all the more happy to stay inside and never leave again!

Cell phones.

People are slaves to their smartphones and social media accounts.  We truly are living in the zombie apocalypse because people have lost their common courtesy and respect for others in lieu of what's happening on their phones. It seems that humanity has become totally oblivious to what's happening around them because they are too busy looking at a screen to see what other people are doing.  Rule number one of owning a cell phone should be TURN THE DAMN RINGER OFF WHEN YOU'RE IN PUBLIC!  You know public, like a doctor's office waiting room or a restaurant.  I seriously doubt anyone is important enough to absolutely need that ringer on and be notified about something happening on their phone when they are waiting to see their doctor.  It never fails though, when I'm waiting at the doctor's office someone (if not two or three someones') phone starts dinging, ringing, or singing.  Usually, a loud inappropriate conversation ensues shortly after that because again, there is such lack of respect for the people around that the person on the phone won't even walk outside. Please put your phone on vibrate.  And please don't watch videos or play games at full volume on your phone while in a waiting room.  It is really just rude. I don't think you are important, I think you are a dick.

Not going out of the house much means when I do go out it's a special occasion and that special occasion sometimes ends up in a restaurant.  But it usually gets ruined by someone and their cell phone.  Last weekend we tried to have a nice family lunch at a local restaurant.  The place wasn't that busy but there was another "family" that was seated catty-cornered behind us.  It wouldn't have been so bad had it just been the man's cell phone ringing and his loud conversation (you know, like at the doctor's office), but one of the kids decided to turn on their music player and listen to music at a very loud volume.  Not just one song or a clip of a song but several actual full songs.  Why?  Why were they doing this?  And no one from the restaurant staff said a word to them.  And neither did dad because dad was on his phone.  And seated at a separate table too, which was weird.

Kids.

I'm not sure what the hell has happened in the world of parenting these days but it isn't good.  In the past month alone I have seen the most horribly behaved children and parents just sitting by either oblivious or uninterested.  A group of kids deliberately sliding around on a wet floor knocking things over and falling down in a restaurant while the parents just sat there and did nothing.  A toddler repeatedly punching his father in the face while in the midst of a tantrum and the father just continued his conversation with the other people standing there like he wasn't getting beat in the face by a screaming three year old. A toddler playing with fireworks and the mother too busy staring at her phone to notice. Kids willfully defying their parents by saying "No", or just not doing what is asked of them and the parents not doing anything about it at all.  Nothing.  Not even so much as a stern look. 

No, I haven't always been the best parent and no, I don't have all the parenting answers, but come on!  The "we just let little Billy express who he is" mentality is just bullshit.  Be a parent.  Raise a decent, productive member of society, not a disrespectful, selfish little punk who gets away with anything he wants because you are too afraid or too worried about social media to yell at him. There is absolutely no excuse for the bad behavior I have recently seen in kids and parents lately.

Shaming.

What's with the shaming thing? People post everything on social media these days and then get mad when other people comment something that they don't like or disagree with them.  Then, they call it shaming of whatever kind. (ie: fat shaming, body shaming, slut shaming, mom shaming, etc.)  I post a picture of myself in a bikini, you say I'm too fat to wear a bikini, I call you a fat shamer.  What?  How is that actually a thing?  Maybe don't post your whole life online and if you do, realize that not everyone is going to feel the same as you do.  I post all about my bowels and health issues.  If you don't like it, don't read it.  If you want to comment something that disagrees with what I say, I'm certainly not going to call you a "poop shamer" and make a big fuss about it.  You're never going to make all the people happy in life.  It's just a fact.  People need to lighten up and stop shame shaming just because others don't agree with them.  I literally almost got into a physical altercation in a public bathroom a while back simply because I stated the obvious and someone didn't like it.  It went down like this:

I'm washing my hands and a "lady" walks in and comments on the smell in a very colorful derogatory fashion.

Me: "It's a public bathroom, what'd you expect?"
Her: "What did you say?  What did you say?  I'll beat your ass you &*^%*(&%%&*(#(@)#)
Me: "Seriously?"  Walks out of the bathroom shaking my head.

This isn't normal, decent human behavior.  This is animalistic, selfish nonsense.

Fidget spinners.

Fidget spinner were designed as a means to occupy children that actually have attention problems.  Not toys to get your kids because their friends have one and they want one.  It's like eye glasses.  Just because Sally has glasses and Billy likes them and wants them, doesn't mean you go out and get Billy glasses.  He doesn't need glasses.  But since that is what parents do now a days, it has ruined the whole concept of a medical device helping children with actual attention problems so now most schools won't allow them at all.

When I was in nursing school I did clinicals in a special school for children with real autism (not the 'my kid won't pay attention because I won't beat his ass' autism that every kid has now) and they utilized items like fidget spinners to help the kids pay attention and they worked.  Medical devices - not toys.  And now that you have spent $5 on 43 different spinners because your kid wanted them and you wouldn't say no, your kid doesn't even want them any more.  And now they are banned from school where certain kids actually could have benefited. Hmmm.

With all this craziness going on in the world now you can understand why I am more than happy to stay at home in my little Utopian environment and not be around any of it.  Humanity is depressing and sad and I'd just as well avoid it.  And before you can say it, no, I have not "parent shamed, cell phone shamed, humanity shamed or any other stupid shame shit today's society likes to cry about.  I have done one thing and that is stated the obvious. Deal with it.




Tuesday, July 25, 2017

MyTherapyApp

Back in May, I was contacted by MyTherapyApp - an app for smartphones which helps you keep track of your medications and also has a blog about all sorts of health conditions - and was informed they would be mentioning Jenni's Guts, and many other great IBD blogs, on their blog post about IBD.  You can check that out HERE!

Recently, I was contacted by MyTherapyApp again because they are doing another blog post with a travel checklist specific for those with IBD.  You can find that post HERE.  Enjoy!

I'll have more to say about my own personal experiences with traveling soon.  Stay tuned.  And thank you to MyTherapyApp for including me and keeping me in the loop with your IBD related blog posts. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I'm different

It occurred to me the other day just how different I am from the rest of the "healthy" world.  I think about things, consider things, and really have to weigh out my options about everything I want to do where most healthy people don't even think twice about such things.  For instance -

Going to the grocery store is a huge undertaking for me.  Jay always drives and most often we go to a little town store that is approximately seven minutes door to door from our house.  It has everything we need at a decent price.  That's about all that the majority of the world considers when going to fetch groceries.  I however, weigh in the fact that this particular small town store offers two bathrooms.  One in the front of the store and one in the back of the store.  And it's a relatively small store.  To be honest, the one in the back of the store is for employees only but I have, and will continue to use it if that's closest one I can get to.  I actually dare someone to say something to me about it.  No one has though, which is probably good.  Both of these restrooms are only one stall restrooms though so if I'm having a particularly bad day (like today, I've had diarrhea 8 times and it's not even 11:30 am) I won't even consider leaving the house.  Sometimes though, we make a trip to a larger 24 hours store but we do it very late at night so there are less people and I can avoid the crowds. That helps the anxiety of being out a lot.  Because like most people, who only have to use the grocery store restroom on a rare occasion, it's the rare occasion that I don't have to use the grocery store restroom.  And it usually hits when I'm smack in the middle of the store and as far away from a toilet as comfortably possible to get to. Every freaking time! Because that's life with a bad belly.

Graduation season has brought about special things happening in my daughter's life.  Things that involve me having to leave the house and travel in the car a greater distance than seven minutes.  Her Senior Awards night was last week.  It took 45 minutes to get to where we had to go for it and of course these things are always scheduled in a manner that is not in anyway conducive to eating dinner at a decent time.  You either scarf something down before you go or you eat super late when it's over.  Well, that's what you do when you have healthy guts.  I get to starve on those special occasions.  Okay, not literally starve - it's not like me missing a meal (or 12) would hurt me or my girlish figure.  But I can't eat and then travel in a car for 45 minutes knowing we are on a time constraint and not have to stop and poop at some point along the way.  And I cannot eat after such things are over either because it's too late and I would be up all night in the bathroom.  So something as joyful as my child's awards presentation gets special considerations and planning just so I can attend.  Regular people don't think about these things. 

The actual graduation ceremony is another event I am thinking about in a totally different way than other parents probably are. They are probably worried about if their kid will trip or how long the ceremony will take because they have family in from out of town.  They get to concentrate on how proud they are of their graduate and enjoy the moment.  I, however, am really worried I might actually miss my daughter receiving her diploma because I will be in the bathroom.  And the thing is, there is nothing I can do if that happens.  I don't get the luxury of "holding it" until she is called.  I get the luxury of trying to run to the bathroom in an attempt to not shit myself in front of all those people.  That really sort of ruins the wonderful moment in my daughter's life doesn't it?  Yes, it does.

I wish I could just grab the dog and go take a walk and not think.  I wish I could just jump in the car and take off driving and not preplan.  I wish I could not have to put so much forethought into what and when I've eaten and try to judge when I may or may not have to use the bathroom and just go enjoy life.  But I can't.  And as awful as it sounds, and it does sound pretty awful, I'm realizing this as I see it here in black and white, it isn't really that big of a deal to me.  It has become second nature to me and my husband.  He always factors in bathroom stops and has been able to successfully navigate me to a bathroom so many times I can't even count.  That's why he drives everywhere - I can't be in the middle of a craptastrophe and try to drive.  It never turns out well. 

So as bad as it seems, it's just my way of life.  I'm different that most.  I have to consider things that others don't.  Yes, it's a pain in the ass - literally - but it is just how we do what we do. 

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Oh hey, I have a blog. And a 17 year old!

Yea, I haven't updated the blog in quite some time. Whoops! It isn't that I haven't thought about it, I have, I just don't know what to say anymore.  Since I last posted I have seen several doctors for several different reasons and the results are all the same - nothing is wrong.  Or something is wrong but they can't figure it out so nothing is ever done about it.  It hardly seems worth going to the doctor anymore.  I'm still not sleeping all that well, I'm still having diarrhea daily, my stomach still feels like I swallowed broken glass and there seems to be no real cause to any of these things.  At this point it all leaves me with nothing to say or do other than shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes.  This is my normal. This is the phase of life I'm in.  Ehh, whatever.  It could be worse.

What else is going on?  Well, my tiny little daughter who is all of 6 years old is graduating high school next month.  She is driving, she has a boyfriend, she works her part time job and she has received scholarships and acceptance to so many colleges I have lost track.  (Seriously!) Okay, she isn't 6 years old anymore, she's 17 (mere weeks from 18), and I'm struggling.  A lot.  When did this happen?  When did she grow up?  Why can't I make her be little again?

I am trying to plan some kind of graduation party for her but I can't even look at any of the stupid ideas on Pinterest because I break down crying.  I refused to look at the acceptance letter she received from UC Berkeley because if I didn't look, it meant it wasn't happening.  She wouldn't leave if I didn't see the letter.  Right? Please tell me I'm right.

All of a sudden a huge chunk of my life (and hers) is over and I don't even remember where it went or what happened.  My daughter is going to college.  She wants to be a neurosurgeon - scratch that - she WILL be a neurosurgeon.  If there is anyone with the drive and dedication it will take for that, it's her.  She's a beast.  She just is.  And she will become whatever she wants and do great things and I really shouldn't worry.  I just still see her as the same tiny little six year old who said that she wanted to live with me and Jay for "eleventy hundred days".  (Backstory - she's adopted, we got her when she was six and we let her choose if she wanted to live with us.  She did.)  But now she's driving, and being accepted to colleges, and making plans for her future.  It's killing me.  I'm so proud of her, but it's killing me. 

So that's what's up.  Eleventy hundred days are almost up.  I'm trying to savor each and every second.  Had I realized how fast time would have passed I would have done a better job doing that from the beginning.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Sarcasm and Memes





I am nothing if not just a human ball of sarcasm. It's how I deal with things.  I think these memes sum up nicely how I feel when talking to most people, because most people just don't get it. Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

I've been Acupunctured!

Just a little picture of my last acupuncture session.  It was explained to me that acupuncture is like a switch to the body's energy.  Pain is the blocker in the body which impedes the flow of energy.  If your shoulder hurts, like mine did, then you use the switch on the leg to unblock the flow of energy.  Like flipping the switch on the wall to turn the lamp on across the room.  So, to help my shoulder I got punctured in the leg. Please enjoy my beautiful leg and Hello Kitty socks!  And yes, there are 8 needles in my leg. Didn't hurt at all.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Alternative Medicine Update

First Visit:

The Naturopathic doctor gave me a diet plan to follow and a ton of supplements to take.  She thinks I have an overgrowth of Candida (yeast) in my system.  Probably true.  The all natural 'yeast be gone' pills I am taking make me belch garlic. It's pretty gross.  I'm fairly certain the smell is seeping from my pores now.  The one kind of powdered crap I'm supposed to drink smells like orange cream and the scent is very delightful.  Once mixed with water or juice though, it tastes like shit.  Not even orange cream shit, just shit.  Gritty shit that doesn't ever completely dissolve and leaves chunks in the bottom of the glass so you have to chew when you get to that last swallow.  It's supposed to help my stomach inflammation.  There are also peppermint essential oil capsules which literally make my poop smell minty!  No, seriously.  It isn't as refreshing as it sounds.  It just weird.  But at least I don't need to buy Poo~Pourri now.

Then there is also the other powder mix I'm supposed to take.  I can't do it though. I just can't.  Not only does it smell disgusting and kind of like coconut, which I hate, the taste is abhorrible.  It's not even something I can grit my teeth and get through.  I find the smell revolting and the taste of this powder once mixed is almost as bad as some of the colonoscopy preps I've had.  Yes, it's that bad.  And I want to take it. I want to like it.  I want to do this, but I just can't.

So now I have all these things to take that are somewhat difficult and so far aren't making me feel any better.  I also have this new diet plan that eliminates everything.  No seriously, everything.  I cannot eat anything.  The FODMAP diet was easier and left more options.  This diet is seriously ridiculous.  But I'm trying.  I'm failing, but I'm trying.


Second Visit

She adjusted the impossible diet to add more foods but is still eliminating wheat and dairy.  I honestly think she just added fish. I'm still failing at it.  She said I didn't have to take the gross coconut powder anymore, which is good because I wasn't doing it anyway.  I'm supposed to still take the orange cream powder which is kinda like, ehh okay.  She said I could freeze the garlic pills and that might help with the garlic burps. We'll see.  I'm also supposed to continue the peppermint poop pills. Oh, and there is Melatonin too, I'm taking 5mg every night.  Doesn't seem to be helping me sleep at all but she says it's good for intestinal nonsense so I'm taking it.   

She added some digestive enzymes.  I almost took them.  Until I read the ingredients and realized they contained pancreatic enzymes.  Might I remind you all of what happened the last time I took pancreatic enzymes??  It. Was. Awful.  I refused to take them.  Didn't even open the bottle.  Hubs agreed that we shall never go down that road again.

And then there was the Acupuncture.

I have been having so much tension and pain in my shoulders and neck lately (Fibromyalgia and weather change??), I'm hardly sleeping at all anymore and the massages I was getting only helped for about five minutes so I asked if Dr. Au'Naturale had anything that could help.  So she stuck with me needles.  Nine of them.  In my shin and my arm.  I didn't feel a whole lot better but I did get this...


A huge, disgusting bruise on my arm (shown with a hair tie around it for size reference purposes) from one little tiny acupuncture needle.  Seriously?!  What the hell is wrong with me that I bruise like that?1  I didn't even feel the needle, I swear!

To be fair I did go back for a second session and didn't bruise.





So honestly, I don't know how it's going.  I don't feel much better.  My stomach is still being my stomach, my intestines are still being my intestines, I'm not sleeping worth a shit and my muscles are all tight and painful.  But that's the latest.  That's the update.  I'm still holding out hope. 

A little contest from Healthline

I was notified that my blog has been nominated in Healthline's Annual Best Health Blog Contest!  The contest has a voting period from November 21st through December 12th and every day you can vote for your favorite blog.  THERE ARE CASH PRIZES for the most votes!!!   If you vote for me I'd be super happy and extremely grateful!!  Click HERE and vote for Jenni's Guts because seriously, CASH PRIZES!!!

Thanks everyone and thanks Healthline!

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Because he loves me

Against everything inside me screaming to give up and be done and pretty much just lay down and succumb to whatever happens to my health, I can't.  I can't give up because my husband won't let me.  He loves me.  He wants to help me in whatever way he can, however he can.  He wants to find a way to make me better.  He won't give up so I won't give up.  I won't give up because he loves me.

We went to a new sort of doctor last week, a naturopathic doctor, an acupuncturist actually.  She does all sorts of "alternative" therapies, not just acupuncturist, and sat down with my husband and I for over an hour discussing everything going on with me.  I meet with her at the end of this week again, after she has a chance to look over all my information and develop an actual plan of care that will take more than three minutes to put together. When I left that appointment I felt something that I haven't felt in so long.  I felt hope.  And hope is a powerful thing.

Let's see what you got, Eastern Medicine.  Please don't disappoint me like Western Medicine has.